fantasy football – Page 4 – The Jeff Kenna League

Craft Beer Wankers 2021/22

Since: 2010

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2012/13

Form
2010/11 – 14th
2011/12 – 5th
2012/13 – 8th
2013/14 – 21st (relegated)
2014/15 – 20th (relegated)
2015/16 – 16th
2016/17 – 5th
2017/18 – 18th
2018/19 – 20th (relegated)
2019/20 – 22nd (relegated)
2020/21 – 17th

Sympathies: Arsenal

Auction XI

Auction attendance: ~~in the pub~~ / absent, silent bidder / ~~absent, complete autofill~~

GK	Jordan Pickford	EVE	£ 0.50
DEF	Victor Lindelöf	MUN	£ 0.50
DEF	Çaglar Söyüncü	LEI	£ 0.50
DEF	Luke Ayling	LEE	£ 0.50
DEF	Ben Davies	TOT	£ 0.50
MID	Bukayo Saka	ARS	£ 20.00
MID	Riyad Mahrez	MCI	£ 0.50
MID	Ryan Fraser	NEW	£ 0.50
MID	Callum Hudson-Odoi	CHE	£ 0.50
STR	Ivan Toney	BRE	£ 16.00
STR	Ollie Watkins	AVA	£ 18.00
			£ 58.00

Molesey Massive 2021/22

Since: 2021

Trophy cabinet: Empty

Form
Debut season

Sympathies: Luton Town

Auction XI

Auction attendance: in the pub / ~~absent, silent bidder~~ / ~~absent, complete autofill~~

GK	Fabianski	WHU	0.5
DF	Laporte	MCY	0.5
DF	Shaw	MUN	0.5
DF	Semedo	WLV	6
DF	Targett	AVL	0.5
MF	Salah	LIV	42
MF	Son	TOT	31
MF	Ayoze P	LEi	0.5
MF	Pulisic	CHE	0.5
ST	Pukki	NOR	3
ST	Lacazette	ARS	0.5
		Total	£85.5m

Dynamo Charlton 2021/22

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: Champions 2019/20, Olisadebe Euro 2012 winner

Form
2011/12 – 6th
2012/13 – 6th
2013/14 – 12th
2014/15 – 15th
2015/16 – 4th
2016/17 – 15th
2017/18 – 10th
2018/19 – 18th
2019/20 – 1st
2020/21 – 11th

Sympathies: Charlton Athletic

Auction XI

Auction attendance: in the pub / ~~absent, silent bidder~~ / ~~absent, complete autofill~~

GK	Jose Sa	WLV	0.5
DF	Wan-Bissaka	MUN	5
DF	Dunk	BRI	5
DF	White B	ARS	8
DF	Coufal	WHU	0.5
MF	Foden	MCY	8
MF	Maddison	LEI	9
MF	Mane	LIV	30
MF	Saar	WAT	0.5
ST	Werner	CHE	7
ST	Wilson	NEW	3
		Total	£76.5m

Clotted Cream First 2021/22

Bungle — The Clotted Cream First manager

Since: 2018

Trophy cabinet: Cup winners 2019 and 2020

Form
2018/19 – 6th
2019/20 – 12th
2020/21 – 5th

Sympathies: Exeter City

Auction XI

Auction attendance: in the pub / ~~absent, silent bidder~~ / ~~absent, complete autofill~~

GK	Mendy	CHE	0.5
DF	Mee	BUR	0.5
DF	Mings	AVl	0.5
DF	Coleman	EVE	0.5
DF	Cresswell	WHU	4
MF	Raphinia	LEE	24
MF	Bruno F	MUN	22
MF	Tielemens	LEI	9
MF	Traore	WLV	0.5
ST	Kane	TOT	7
ST	Torres F	MCY	6
		Total	£74.5m

FC Testiculadew 2021/22

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: 2013/14 and 2011/12 league and cup double, 2014 Emerson World Cup winner

Form
2011/12 – 1st
2012/13 – 2nd
2013/14 – 1st
2014/15 – 7th
2015/16 – 8th
2016/17 – 2nd
2017/18 – 14th
2018/19 – 17th
2019/20 – 10th
2020/21 – 4th

Sympathies: Everton

Auction XI

Auction attendance: in the pub / ~~absent, silent bidder~~ / ~~absent, complete autofill~~

GK	Martinez	AVL	5
DF	Maguire	MUN	5
DF	Chilwell	CHE	9
DF	Romero	TOT	5
DF	Konate	LIV	0.5
MF	Sterling	MCY	13
MF	Zaha	CRY	7
MF	Bowen	WHY	0.5
MF	JWP	SOT	10
ST	DCL	EVE	12
ST	Auba	ARS	19
		Total	£86m

Cowley Casuals 2021/22

Stuart Hazell — The Cowley Casuals manager

Since: 2012

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winners 2015

Form
2012/13 – 17th
2014/15 – 2nd
2015/16 – 12th
2016/17 – 7th
2017/18 – 16th
2018/19 – 10th
2019/20 – 8th
2020/21 – 10th

Sympathies: Wolves

Auction XI

Auction attendance: in the pub / ~~absent, silent bidder~~ / ~~absent, complete autofill~~

GK	Leno	ARS	0.5
DF	VVD	LIV	26
DF	Fofana	LEI	0.5
DF	Doherty	TOT	0.5
DF	James	CHE	0.5
MF	Buendia	VIL	13
MF	Sancho	MUN	20
MF	Grealish	MCY	11
MF	Gallagher	CRY	0.5
ST	Jiminez	WLV	0.5
ST	Wood	BUR	0.5
		Total	£73.5m

Chairman’s XI – 2021/22

Since: 2005 (co-founder and chairman)

Trophy cabinet
Champions 2005/06
Canesten Combi Cup winner 2006
Treble in 2009/2010 (league, cup, Dr Khumalo World Cup 2010)
Narcozep Cup winner 2017
Euros Super League winner 2020+1

Form
2005/06 – 1st
2006/07 – 3rd
2007/08 – 7th
2008/09 – 9th
2009/10 – 1st
2010/11 – 4th
2011/12 – 16th
2012/13 – 18th (relegated)
2013/14 – 10th
2014/15 – 11th
2015/16 – 11th
2016/17 – 13th (cup winner)
2017/18 – 15th
2018/19 – 11th
2019/20 – 3rd
2020/21 – 7th

Sympathies: Kidderminster Harriers

Auction XI

Auction attendance: in the pub / ~~absent, silent bidder~~ / ~~absent, complete autofill~~

	Player	Club	Value
GK	Allison	LIV	11
DF	Stones	MCY	5
DF	Castagne	LEI	3
DF	Tierney	ARS	5
DF	Keane	EVE	2
MF	Jorginho	CHE	0.5
MF	Soucek	WHU	8
MF	Harrison	LEE	0.5
MF	Moutinho	WLV	0.5
ST	Cavani	MUN	21
ST	Adams	SOT	0.5
		Total	£57m

Kenna’s first ‘Silent Bramble’

THE Kenna League treasurer is set to make an appeal after he became the first manager in history to Bramble himself on a silent bid.

The absent manager put forward three strikers among his silent bids before the auction Michail Antonio, Edison Cavani, and Ferran Torres.

Having signed Antonio and Cavani, the treasurer successfully bid for Torres. The error was uncovered with much mirth from managers in attendance.

Cavani, who went on to be signed by the chairman for £21m, was removed from the treasurer’s team to be replaced with Titus Bramble player Jimmy Savile.

Kenna HQ expects an appeal this week.

The first auction in person for two years took on a different dynamic to previous Kenna events.

Just six managers showed up in person, with nine more submitting silent bids. The opening hour of the auction saw five of the managers present try to second guess just how much money each absent manager had placed on their maximum of four players.

From then on it was a case of supply outstripping demand, as those present were faced little opposition to making their preferred signings in a torrent of Neck Oil and Pilsner Urquell.

A record of 117 players will now go through the autofill. With so much talent unsigned those in The Larrik were rightly concerned they could be outdone by a completely autofilled team.

Chairman becomes first Kenna manager to win two international tournaments

The Kenna League chairman finally got round to confirming himself Euros Super League winner.

The trophy puts the chairman into the Kenna record books, as the first manager to win two international tournaments. He won ‘the Khumalo’ 2010 Dr Khumalo World Cup.

After speaking briefly of ’11 years of hurt’ in a press conference this morning, the chairman explained why it had taken him so long to share his good news.

‘Last week started badly on an emotional and a physical level. It was hard to acknowledge that football or sobriety could exist. Even the Kenna, that sacred lamb, was difficult to countenance.

‘Then I started taking an interest in transfer news and here we are.’

Having bared his soul, the chairman went about rubbing victory in managers’ faces.

‘How they laughed when I signed Jordan Pickford and Ronaldo at the auction, and they finish the tournament the two top points scorers.

‘How they laughed when I signed Patrick van Aanholt for £19m. He scored 17 points.

‘How they laughed at a midfield of Calhanoglu, Kroos, and Golovin, and admittedly they were awful, but they still scored 21 points between them.

‘Even one-game Timothy Castagne scored four points. Needless to say, I had the last laugh.’

Managers now look ahead to the domestic auction on Saturday 7 August. The chairman has promised to get ‘managers back in pubs’ based ‘not on dates or data, but daytime drinking’.

Euros Super League – final standings

Full scores available from The Rub.

Piss Poor close gap after last 16

THE Piss Poor manager is in with a chance of his first ever Kenna silverware after a strong second round showing in the Euros Super League.

Three goals for Karim Benzema and Alvaro Morata, and an assist from Jack Grealish saw PP go within six points of the chairman’s side at the top of the table.

With seven games left to play, each of the three leading sides has just four players left in the tournament.

With Alessandro Florenzi an injury doubt and Timothy Castagne a squad player, the chairman will be hoping for Jordan Pickford’s sheet to remain unstained, and Vladimir Coufal to make a strong showing in the quarter finals.

Piss Poor look to have lost Kevin De Bruyne to injury, but Donnaruma, Grealish, and Morata all take good form into the weekend fixtures.

A 34-point deficit looks too much to overturn for the Craft Beer Wankers quartet of Yann Sommer, Ben Chilwell, Simon Kjaer, and Andrea Belotti.

Piss Poor have never impressed in the domestic league, relegated three times in eight seasons, but the manager has enjoyed more fortune on the international stage finishing second in the 2018 Dmitri Kharine World Cup.

Chairman – 155 points
Pickford, Castagne, Florenzi, Coufal

Piss Poor – 149 points
Donnaruma, KDB, Grealish, Morata

Craft Beer Wankers – 121 points
Sommer, Chilwell, Kjaer, Belotti

Euros Super League – after last 16

Full scores available from The Rub.