Demichelis not such bad Kompany

Martin Demichelis caricature
Ray of sunshine: Martin Demichelis has been the one positive of Young Boys of Vauxhall’s season (photo: Gonza Rodriguez)

HUNDREDS of column inches have been dedicated to the shortcomings of Argentine defender Martin Demichelis this season and in the most part for good reason.

The pony-tailed centre back appears most at home lumbering around just outside his own 18-yard line with all the agility of a ginned-up lollipop lady, desperately trying to keep up with his sleeker teammates.

Up against the cream of European talent, Demichelis’ height, chunky bearing and lantern jaw make him look less a professional footballer and more like he should be wearing a leather jacket and fencing stolen goods from a rusty van outside the back of a pub glued to At The Races all Tuesday afternoon.

But one Kenna manager has found that at the domestic level, Demichelis is statistically delivering more than well-respected ‘top top player’ Vincent Kompany.

Guffaws rang around the upstairs bar of The Three Stags in Kennington in early October, when the Young Boys of Vauxhall manager took what was considered to be the outlandish decision to jettison Kompany at the first transfer window and sign the bungling Argentine.

In the face of much criticism, Young Boys vehemently defended the move at the time. Selling Kompany to St Reatham FC for £5m and picking up Demichelis on the open market for a token point five, the Welshman trousered £4.5m, he argued.

The Young Boys manager was also keen to point out that Kompany was recently injured. No one thought it so serious at the time, but the Belgian didn’t play again until the New Year.

Up until that afternoon south of the river, Demichelis was picking up a measly 1.25 points a week. The Belgian was making hay at 3.76.

Since that window the Argentine has gone on to score at a very creditable average of 3.12 points a week, while Kompany has contributed less than two-and-a-half.

In hindsight, the whole affair was a masterstroke for the Young Boys manager.

Of course, in all other respects the Young Boys season has been an utter disaster. At the same transfer window the manager turned a profit on Kompany he ended up Brambling himself and found Operation Yewtree suspect Rolf Harris starting in his midfield as forfeit. At the second window in February his frenzy of eight transfers descended into Tinkerman farce.

The St Reatham manager, on the other hand, finds his team safely ensconced in midtable and in the semi finals of the Canesten Combi Cup.

Despite his failure in all other respects, the Young Boys manager has successfully underlined two recurring themes to emerge from any statistical analysis of the Kenna – due to the scoring system a defender is only as good or bad as the team he’s in and never sign players based on who you like.

In the first eight weeks of the season

Demichelis scored 1.25 points per week

Kompany scored 3.76 points per week

In the 25 weeks since the October transfer window

Demichelis started on 10 points now has 88 (3.12 points per week)

Kompany started on 27 points now has 89 (2.48 points per week)

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Second double no laughing matter

Ming the Merciless
Fools: Managers are being shown up as a bunch of jokers by an FC Testiculadew manager building his empire (photo courtesy of xndrnz)

WAY past midday on 1 April the FC Testiculadew manager is still making fools of the rest of the Kenna League.

Cup results - 1 April 2014
Canesten Combi Cup quarter final results – 1 April 2014

Goals from Kevin Mirallas, Juan Mata and a brace from Edin Dzeko saw the sinister, handwringing cackle of the Bramble Baron move one step closer to an unprecedented second Kenna double.

Sweeping aside bottom-of-the-table PSV Mornington 5-2 in the Canesten Combi Cup quarter final, the FCT manager has set up a juicy semi final against his sibling at Headless Chickens. The tie is a replay of the May 2012 final FCT won to claim the league and cup double.

Despite a midfield boasting convicted child murderer Stuart Hazell, Northern Monkeys clinched their tie to set up a semi final with St Reatham FC. Kenna HQ detractors will be pleased to see them move ahead at the expense of two committee members.

The free-scoring form of Peter Odemwingie means second-placed Piedmonte are still in with an outside chance of challenging for the title, but with seven weeks left in the season the trophyless manager is fast running out of time.

The door is slightly ajar for Judean Peoples’ Front too. The Anders Breivik lookalike manager’s team stayed in the race with a double from Jay Rodriguez.

The rest of the league’s top half can only hope to secure the Wenger Trophy.

Meanwhile, it looks like the writing’s on the wall for Spartak Mogadishu, Dulwich Red Sox and PSV Mornington – Pussy Riot to the FCT manager’s Vladimir Putin.

Kenna table

Kenna week 30 - 1 April 2014
Kenna week 30 – 1 April 2014

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Just put Carles Carles 53 2
2 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 53 2
3 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 52 2
4 St. Reatham FC Mike 50 2
5 FC Testiculadew James N 48 4
6 Bala Rinas Lewis 44 1
7 Team Panda Rules OK George 44 1
8 Pikey Scum Jack 42 2
9 Piedmonte Phil 41 3
10 Judean Peoples Front Sholto 39 4
11 Headless Chickens John N 34 1
12 Newington Reds Dudley 32 0
13 KS West Green Stix 29 0
14 PSV Mornington El Pons 28 2
15 Rapids De Cullons CF Jorge 27 3
16 Dulwich Red Sox Luke 27 1
17 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 27 1
18 Dynamo Charlton Alex 26 0
19 Young Boys Denney 26 0
20 Spartak Mogadishu Abdi 25 2
21 Northern Monkeys Hugo 23 1
22 This is Sparta…Prague Rich 21 1
23 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 14 1
Points Player
Player of the week 17 Dzeko, E – MCY – STR
Club FC Testiculadew
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So mediocre it can be seen from space

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=713v5H8ERKg]

SATELLITE images of what was thought to be wreckage of the missing Malaysia Airlines flight were found floating in the Kenna League this week.

Initially identified as the debris as pieces of MH370, closer inspection revealed them to be at least three mid-table Kenna teams that have made little to no impact this season.

Families of the plane’s missing passengers were dealt a fresh blow when it turned what they thought might be a clue to the whereabouts of their loved ones was actually Rapids de Cullons CF‘s under-performing midfield of Mikeal Arteta, Steven Pienaar, Jonathan de Guzman and Ashley Young.

At the top of the Kenna this week, FC Testiculadew looked to have edged even closer to the trophy on Tuesday after two goals from Edin Dzeko, but last night Piedmonte‘s Steven Gerrard and Mark Noble both found the net to keep the second-placed team’s slender hopes alive.

It ain’t over yet, McGavin!” tweeted the Piedmonte manager.

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FCT Putin the boot in

Vladimir Putin
On target: The Russian leader and the FC Testiculadew manager are wiping the floor with the opposition.

IMPERIAL aggression, hasty plebiscites in obscure lands and a Christian Benteke goal mean history looks to be repeating itself both in European geopolitics and the Kenna League.

Just as it turns out that inside every Ukrainian there’s an armed Russian wearing a balaclava just waiting to get out, so FC Testiculadew have emerged from the pack as favourites to lift the title.

Cup results - 25 March 2014
Canesten Combi Cup quarter final first leg results

Despite plenty of goals for Piedmonte (Long and Odemwingie) and Judean Peoples’ Front (Eriksen x2 and Rodriguez), the second and third place teams are being made to look like squabbling Western appeasers as ‘the villain of the Kenna‘ marches towards domination.

With just eight competitive weeks left, FCT’s impressive form and 28-point buffer means nothing short of World War Three will stop the manager claiming his second Kenna championship in three years.

Pikey Scum climbed into the top four, in no small part down to Newington Reds defender Kieran Gibbs being wrongfully dismissed on Saturday.

Whether the red card is rescinded remains to be seen, but Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain’s lucky escape has put KS West Green above Headless Chickens and Hairy Fadjeetas – both early front runners of the campaign whose managers now seem to have run out of ideas in the league.

The Chickens boss is left to focus his attention on the Canesten Combi Cup, where his side took a three-goal lead in the quarter final first leg at West Green.

FCT look set to annex a badly-organised and ill-equipped PSV Mornington in their tie, although unlike Vlad they’ll need two weekends rather than one.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DksSPZTZES0]

Kenna table

Kenna table week 29 - 25Mar14
Kenna table week 29 – 25Mar14

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Just put Carles Carles 48 4
2 Judean Peoples Front Sholto 39 3
3 Headless Chickens John N 37 5
4 KS West Green Stix 37 2
5 Spartak Mogadishu Abdi 34 2
6 FC Testiculadew James N 33 1
7 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 32 2
8 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 31 1
9 Piedmonte Phil 30 2
10 Dulwich Red Sox Luke 29 4
11 This is Sparta…Prague Rich 26 3
12 Northern Monkeys Hugo 26 1
13 Pikey Scum Jack 26 1
14 Rapids De Cullons CF Jorge 24 1
15 Young Boys Denney 23 1
16 St. Reatham FC Mike 21 2
17 Team Panda Rules OK George 21 1
18 Dynamo Charlton Alex 20 0
19 Bala Rinas Lewis 15 1
20 Newington Reds Dudley 15 0
21 PSV Mornington El Pons 15 0
22 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 12 1
23 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 4 0
Points Player
Player of the week 20 Suarez, L – LIV – STR
Club This is Sparta…Prague
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Odemwingie’s Kenna

Ian Botham
Cigar moment: Can Peter Odemwingie help the Piedmonte manager claim his first Kenna title in nine years of trying?

GOALS from the unlikeliest source saw Piedmonte climb to second with just nine weeks left in the season.

More than a year since suffering an horrific injury sustained while sleeping in his car outside Loftus Road, Peter Odemwingie appears to have recovered his fitness and confidence to score twice this weekend.

Until last month’s transfer window, the Nigerian had been passed from club to club, unable to build any sort of momentum and at one point considered less reliable than an email from his home country.

Piedmonte put £5m worth of faith in the striker in February, set club doctors about treatment of a sore neck and some discomfort in the buttock where he’d slept on his wallet, and the manager’s already got back three goals and an assist.

Whether Odemwingie can go on to inspire his team to glory, much as Ian Botham did with bat and ball against Australia in 1981, remains to be seen.

Looking at the misfits in the rest of the Piedmonte side it seems less likely than the FC Testiculadew manager dropping his villain tag.

Abandon Cup!

Canesten Combi Cup holders Spartak Mogadishu were dumped out of the competition on the weekend, but reports filtering out of Somalia suggest the club’s manager has other priorities.

Canesten Combi Cup: Last 16 results
Canesten Combi Cup: Last 16 results

Upon learning a Boeing 777 could be floating around in the Indian Ocean last week the Somali immediately put out to sea.

Visitors to the club’s Spyglass Hill training facility found the site deserted, save for an elderly, khat-chewing groundsman who talked of an entire community swept up in the swarthy promise of hundreds of untouched Halal meal options.

The defeat means Headless Chickens will face KS West Green in the first leg of this weekend’s quarter finals.

In a classic top-versus-bottom clash, FC Testiculadew will take on PSV Mornington after Hairy Fadjeetas added to their recent league woe by losing on points in the second leg of their match against a side managed by a cardboard cut out of Pep Guardiola.

In the other last 16 tie settled on points, Northern Monkeys beat Rapids de Cullons, and will face Newington Reds this weekend.

The winners of that fixture will play either St Reatham FC or the treasurer’s team Bala Rinas.

Kenna table

Kenna week 28 - 18 March 2014
Kenna week 28 – 18 March 2014

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Piedmonte Phil 39 4
2 Young Boys Denney 32 1
3 KS West Green Stix 32 0
4 Pikey Scum Jack 31 1
5 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 28 0
6 Team Panda Rules OK George 26 0
7 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 25 2
8 Bala Rinas Lewis 25 0
9 Headless Chickens John N 24 1
10 Northern Monkeys Hugo 24 1
11 St. Reatham FC Mike 24 1
12 PSV Mornington El Pons 23 1
13 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 21 0
14 Judean Peoples Front Sholto 19 1
15 Rapids De Cullons CF Jorge 18 0
16 Newington Reds Dudley 17 0
17 FC Testiculadew James N 15 1
18 Dynamo Charlton Alex 14 0
19 Dulwich Red Sox Luke 13 0
20 Spartak Mogadishu Abdi 13 0
21 This is Sparta…Prague Rich 11 1
22 Just put Carles Carles 11 0
23 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 10 0
Points Player
Player of the week 12 Odemwingie, P – STO – STR
Club Piedmonte
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Come fly with Jeff

Air hostess
Expecting to find a black box: It’s at this time of the season many Kenna managers struggle to explain exactly where their trophy chances have disappeared (photo courtesy of Susan Uyanguren)

ODDS on FC Testiculadew claiming their second Kenna League title dropped faster than a Malaysia Airlines flight this weekend as the club extended their lead at the top of the table.

Even though as they hurtled towards earth at terminal velocity passengers of MH370 would have seen FCT striker Edin Dzeko’s fluffed goalmouth effort going the other way, a masterful display from Mesut Ozil and assists from Kevin Mirallas and Juan Mata saw the chasing pack drop even further off the radar.

What everyone hoped would remain the most open Kenna season in recent times has veered dramatically off course. Managers can only pray it doesn’t turn into a repeat of this time two years ago, when FCT’s dominance left the rest of league bobbing around helpless in the dark ocean, watching the wreckage of their title challenge sink into the depths and wondering whether the pathetic light given off by their life jackets can be seen by Vietnamese search and rescue pilots in fake Ray Bans.

Down in Davey Jones’ locker, Somali-managed Spartak Mogadishu climbed one place simply because their performance was only slightly less dismal than Dulwich Red Sox.

His ongoing silent protest over changes to league rules spelt no comment from the DRS manager on his team’s steady decline from mid-table to the relegation zone. Analysts believe a sponsored silence would have been a sure fire way for the manager to raise much-needed transfer funds.

Looking ahead to the weekend’s Canesten Combi Cup last 16 fixtures, four goals shipped at home in the first leg for both Judean Peoples’ Front and Team Panda Rules OK mean it’ll take a lot more than a pair of fake passports for them to get into the quarter finals.

Kenna table

Kenna table week 27 - 11 March 2014
Kenna table week 27 – 11 March 2014

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Rapids De Cullons CF Jorge 31 3
2 Team Panda Rules OK George 30 3
3 FC Testiculadew James N 29 1
4 KS West Green Stix 29 1
5 Bala Rinas Lewis 25 2
6 Just put Carles Carles 23 1
7 Young Boys Denney 23 1
8 Northern Monkeys Hugo 21 1
9 St. Reatham FC Mike 19 1
10 Judean Peoples Front Sholto 18 1
11 This is Sparta…Prague Rich 18 1
12 Dynamo Charlton Alex 17 0
13 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 16 0
14 Piedmonte Phil 15 1
15 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 14 0
16 Newington Reds Dudley 12 0
17 Pikey Scum Jack 11 0
18 Spartak Mogadishu Abdi 11 0
19 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 9 1
20 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 9 0
21 Headless Chickens John N 7 0
22 Dulwich Red Sox Luke 6 0
23 PSV Mornington El Pons 5 0
Points Player
Player of the week 12 Caulker, S – CAR – DEF
Club Rapids De Cullons CF
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League elite enjoy ‘Oscar’s night’

Andre Schurrle
Rhineland cowboy: An Andre Schurrle hat-trick doubled his goal tally for the season (photo courtesy of dominickwinter)

CALLS for an official inquiry have been heard around the Kenna after teams led by two high-ranking league officials registered resounding cup victories in what was otherwise a quiet week for goals.

In the first leg of the Canesten Combi Cup last 16 fixtures, KS West Green and Bala Rinas – managed by the Kenna chairman and treasurer respectively – both scored four shots on target, or ‘got an Oscar’s night‘, as it has recently become known.

A hat-trick for Andre Schurrle and a rare Curtis Davies strike secured a vital away win for the chairman’s side over Judean Peoples’ Front, whose manager is best known for looking like Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik.

Johnny Heitinga, Romelu Lukaku and a brace from Moussa Sissoko saw Bala Rinas cruise to victory over a lacklustre Team Panda Rules OK performance.

No doubt spurred on by either ongoing events in Ukraine, a faction led by the Young Boys of Vauxhall manager has questioned the integrity of the league and called for a full investigation.

The Young Boys manager, who two days ago attacked the league for being anti-Welsh, even called for a boycott of the new improved cup wall chart, released today.

“You see this? I wouldn’t wash my car with this! And not only because it’s a piece of paper,” he fumed at his chamois.

The Chairman’s response was uncharacteristic, but made clear upon watching the YouTube video below. He said: “Yo, you want fantasy football? I got fantasy football. I got the best fantasy football.

“This area’s dry, man. You know that. I know that. Ain’t nobody arranging fantasy football but me.

“I got auctions, I got transfer windows, I got pub crawls. I’ve got the finest cup competition this area has seen in years. You need me and I need you. Let’s make this work.

“You buy entry to the league, you get entry to the cup totally free. Gratis.

“I got everything. Even a World Cup fantasy auction, baby.”

Canesten Combi Cup last 16 first leg results

Rapids De Cullons 1 – 0 Northern Monkeys

Dynamo Charlton 0 – 2 Newington Reds

St Reatham FC 0 – 0 Lokomotiv Leeds

Team Panda Rules OK 1 – 4 Bala Rinas

Judean Peoples’ Front 0 – 4 KS West Green

Headless Chickens 0 – 0 Spartak Mogadishu

FC Testiculadew 2 – 1 This is Sparta…Prague

PSV Mornington 0 – 1 Hairy Fadjeetas

Kenna table

Kenna week 26 - 4 March 2014
Kenna week 26 – 4 March 2014

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 KS West Green Stix 33 4
2 Bala Rinas Lewis 29 4
3 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 29 1
4 Newington Reds Dudley 28 2
5 FC Testiculadew James N 25 2
6 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 25 0
7 Team Panda Rules OK George 25 0
8 Piedmonte Phil 23 1
9 Young Boys Denney 23 0
10 Just put Carles Carles 20 1
11 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 20 0
12 Rapids De Cullons CF Jorge 19 1
13 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 19 0
14 This is Sparta…Prague Rich 18 1
15 Dynamo Charlton Alex 17 0
16 Pikey Scum Jack 15 0
17 PSV Mornington El Pons 14 0
18 Judean Peoples Front Sholto 13 0
19 Northern Monkeys Hugo 13 0
20 Dulwich Red Sox Luke 11 0
21 St. Reatham FC Mike 10 0
22 Headless Chickens John N 8 0
23 Spartak Mogadishu Abdi 6 0
Points Player
Player of the week 17 Schurrle, A – CHE – MID
Club KS West Green
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Young Boys manager makes Kenna chairmanship race claim

Sheep shagger
Sheep shagger: The league treasurer (pictured here) is among a small contingent of Welshmen in the Kenna (photo courtesy of vikingaero)

THE Young Boys of Vauxhall manager has claimed he would have been “Kenna chairman for more than 10 years” had he not been a sheep shagger.

The Welshman makes the claims in an authorised biography serialised by the Sunday Times.

“I believe if I was English, I would have been Kenna chairman for more than 10 years – it’s as simple as that,” said the Young Boys boss, who won the league in 2011 and the Canesten Combi Cup in 2009.

Kenna HQ is aware of the claims but declined to comment.

The manager of Young Boys, who joined the Kenna in 2007 and is now in his sixth year of campaigning, claimed: “I think the Kenna wished I shagged Hereford cattle or Suffolk pigs. I had the credibility, performance-wise, to be chairman.

“There is a ceiling and although no-one has ever said it, I believe it’s made of wool.”

“The chairman now does a rubbish job,” said the Young Boys manager. “It’s embarrassing. I keep asking myself, ‘what have I done?’

“I’ve asked myself many times why I wasn’t [made chairman]. I keep coming up with the same answer. It’s the sheep’s blood on my trousers.”

Detractors claim the comments are sour grapes from the manager, who has become an increasingly bitter and isolated figure with his team’s decline in the last two years, culminating in an outspoken rant at the incumbent chairman in November for changes to the Canesten Combi Cup.

Young Boys sit one place above the relegation zone and are already out of this season’s Canesten.

The other two Welshmen in the Kenna are the Bala Rinas manager – who is also league treasurer – and Anders Breivik lookalike the Judean Peoples’ Front manager.

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Northern Monkeys manager admits to concerns about Eto’o and Borini

Samuel Eto'o
Up yours: Samuel Eto’o had a clear message in response to his manager’s comments (credit: Show Racism the Red Card)

NORTHERN Monkeys’ last 16 cup draw at Rapids De Cullons was overshadowed this week by an extraordinary row over a series of unguarded but highly disparaging remarks by the manager about the club’s strikers.

The Northern Monkeys boss was recorded by the French television company Canal Plus in what he thought was a private conversation with the owner of a Swiss Toblerone, thought to be the St Reatham FC manager.

“I have a team but no striker,” said the Monkeys manager. “The problem at Northern Monkeys is that we are lacking a goalscorer. I have one [Samuel Eto’o] but he is 32, possibly 35, who knows?”

The remark about Eto’o is understood to be a reference to the supposed doubt about the true age of some African players.

The other Northern Monkeys striker Fabio Borini was not mentioned in the same sentence as the word ‘goalscorer’.

The club has not disputed the authenticity of the manager’s comments but are adamant that they were supposed to be light-hearted and not meant for broadcast or publication.

Northern Monkeys have scored 27 goals this season, one less than their Canesten Combi Cup opponents Rapids De Cullon. The two sides meet in the first leg of their last 16 tie this weekend.

In a first for world football, the ties were drawn this Wednesday evening on a moving train to an audience of a couple of cans of lager.

Canesten Combi Cup last 16 fixtures

Rapids De Cullons v Northern Monkeys

Dynamo Charlton v Newington Reds

St Reatham FC v Lokomotiv Leeds

Team Panda Rules OK v Bala Rinas

Judean Peoples’ Front v KS West Green

Headless Chickens v Spartak Mogadishu

FC Testiculadew v This is Sparta…Prague

PSV Mornington v Hairy Fadjeetas

The copy for this article was stolen from…

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Kenna cellar soundproofed

Cellar soundproofed
The Fritzl Suite: The chairman at work beneath league HQ

THE cellar at Kenna HQ is being soundproofed ‘for footballing reasons’, it was claimed today.

The league chairman was forced to comment after leaked photos emerged of him insulating a confined, windowless crawlspace believed to lie directly underneath the boardroom of London’s leading pub-based fantasy football league.

Despite the appearance of something more sinister, the chairman was adamant the only motive was to reduce managers’ subscription costs by saving on Kenna HQ energy bills.

The groans having receded after it was pointed out there was already enough hot air in league committee meetings, sceptics were quick condemn the photos as further proof of the Kenna executive’s increasingly hard line measures.

Many believe the Kenna’s manager experiences department, a secretive arm of league apparatus responsible for policing members, is behind the move.

In August 2012, the manager experiences department were believed to be behind the abduction of defender James Collins from his team hotel. The incident led to one manager slamming the Kenna as ‘out of touch blazers’.

Faced with these latest allegations, the chairman maintained the league’s motives were honest.

“I know from the photos it looks like we’re building some sort of Fritzl Suite to help silence dissent from agitators, but that’s simply not the case. As an organisation committed to sustainability we’re simply making our HQ building more energy efficient.

“At the heart of everything we do is making the Kenna the ultimate fantasy, and these renovations are part of that fantasy,” he said over the muffled cries of Titus Bramble.

Cup fixtures announced

The first round of knockout games in the Canesten Combi Cup will take place this weekend.

A total of 16 teams made it out of the group stages in January. They will be drawn in head-to-head ties on tomorrow’s 1750 from Birmingham New Street to Euston.

“It’s the first time the last 16 draw will be made on a moving train, but I must assure managers that we will not be holding back on the traditional glamour associated with the Canesten,” said the chairman, charging up his briefcase with a couple of Jackie Chans.

In the pot

Group A – Judean Peoples’ Front, KS West Green, This is Sparta…Prague, Team Panda Rules OK

Group B – FC Testiculadew, Rapids De Cullons CF, Dynamo Charlton, St Reatham FC

Group C – Headless Chickens, Northern Monkeys, Spartak Mogadishu, Newington Reds

Group D – Hairy Fadjeetas, PSV Mornington, Bala Rinas, Lokomotiv Leeds

Last 16

First leg – Tuesday 5 March

Second leg – Tuesday 18 March

Quarter finals

First leg – Tuesday 25 March

Second leg – Tuesday 1 April

Semi finals

First leg – Tuesday 15 April

Second leg – Tuesday 22 April

Final

Tuesday 13 May

Kenna table

Kenna wk 25 - 26 February 2014
Kenna wk 25 – 26 February 2014

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Pikey Scum Jack 43 3
2 St. Reatham FC Mike 39 3
3 Judean Peoples Front Sholto 35 2
4 Just put Carles Carles 35 2
5 FC Testiculadew James N 34 1
6 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 33 1
7 Newington Reds Dudley 32 1
8 Young Boys Denney 28 0
9 Northern Monkeys Hugo 27 0
10 Team Panda Rules OK George 26 2
11 Piedmonte Phil 26 0
12 Rapids De Cullons CF Jorge 24 1
13 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 22 2
14 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 22 1
15 Headless Chickens John N 21 1
16 Spartak Mogadishu Abdi 20 0
17 Bala Rinas Lewis 19 0
18 Dynamo Charlton Alex 18 0
19 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 15 1
20 This is Sparta…Prague Rich 15 0
21 PSV Mornington El Pons 14 0
22 KS West Green Stix 8 0
23 Dulwich Red Sox Luke 5 0
Points Player
Player of the week 15 Giroud, O – ARS – STR
Club Team Panda Rules OK
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