Hairy Fadjeetas

Manager: Mr Aiden Brisland (ENG)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Sheffield Wednesday

Hennessey, W WLV £4m
Hughes, A FUL £13m
Jagielka, P EVE £14.5m
Djourou, J ARS £2.5m
Givet, G BLR £3.5m
Etherington, M STO £12.5m
Pienaar, S TOT £3m
Brunt, C WBA £6.5m
Meireles, R CHE £0.5m
Torres, F CHE £27.5m
Davies, K BOL £0.5m
    £88m
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Judean Peoples’ Front

Manager: Mr Sholto Gilbertson (WAL)

Since: 2008

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Manchester United

Ruddy, J (B) NOR £0.5m
Johnson, G LIV £13m
Gallas, W TOT £10m
Bramble, T SUN £1m
Berra, C (B) WLV £0.5m
Taarabt, A QPR £11.5m
Duff, D FUL £8m
Valencia, A MUN £7m
Ramires CHE £9.5m
van Persie, R ARS £38.5m
Heskey, E (B) AVL £0.5m
£100m
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Pikey Scum

Manager: Mr Jack Bowley

Since: 2005 (founder member)

Trophy cabinet: Cup at some point

Sympathies: Spurs

Gomes, H TOT £1.5m
Evra, P MUN £18.5m
Sagna, B ARS £15.5m
Richards, M MCY £8.5m
Alex CHE £0.5m
Emerton, B SFC £0.5m
Gutierrez, J NEW £2.5m
Eagles, C BOL £1.5m
Petrov, S AVL £3.5m
Carroll, A LIV £31.5m
Beckford, J LCY £13.5m
    £97.5m
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Headless Chickens

Manager: Mr John Norris (ENG)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Liverpool

Mignolet, S SUN £6m
Enrique, J LIV £7.5m
Baird, C FUL £6m
Clichy, G MCY £8.5m
Johnson, R WLV £4.5m
Adam, C LIV £10m
Pedersen, M BLR £9m
Walcott, T ARS £17m
Chung-yong, Lee BOL £3m
Berbatov, D MUN £5m
Kalou, S CHE £0.5m
    £77m
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PSV Mornington

Manager: Mr Ramon Pons Condom (CAT)

Since: 2009

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Barcelona

de Gea, D MUN £16m
Cahill, G BOL £15m
Salgado, M BLR £6m
Brown, W SUN £6m
Aurelio, F LIV £0.5m
Lampard, F CHE £28m
Murphy, D FUL £12m
Ben Arfa, H NEW £0.5m
Song, A ARS £3m
Defoe, J TOT £12m
Saha, L EVE £0.5m
£99.5m
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Grosvenor Allstars (formally known as ‘The Dan Terry Seduction’)

Manager: Mr Dan Terry (ENG)

Since: 2010

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Kidderminster Harriers

Hart, J MCY £20m
Fabio MUN £1m
Elokobi, G WLV £0.5m
Squillaci, S ARS £0.5m
Kyrgiakos, S WFB £0.5m
Pennant, J STO £13m
Malouda, F CHE £26m
Larsson, S SUN £6.5m
Osman, L EVE £5m
Crouch, P STO £8m
Odemwingie, P WBA £19m
    £100m
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Just put Carles

Manager: Mr Carles Duz (CAT)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Barcelona, Fulham

Cech, P CHE £20m
Wilson, M STO £0.5m
Ward, S WLV £0.5m
Robinson, P BOL £0.5m
Walker, K TOT £0.5m
Gerrard, S LIV £26.5m
Silva, D MCY £22m
Coleman, S EVE £2.5m
Anderson MUN £0.5m
Zamora, B FUL £15.5m
Chamakh, M ARS £1.5m
£90.5m
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Dynamo Charlton

Manager: Mr Alex Bass (ENG)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Charlton Athletic

Reina, P LIV 9
Assou-Ekotto, B TOT 6.5
Neville, P EVE 6.5
Kolarov, A MCY 0.5
Alcaraz, A WIG 3.5
Barton, J QPR 9
Giggs, R MUN 6
Etuhu, D FUL 2.5
Ramsey, A ARS 2
Drogba, D CHE 18
Gyan, A SUN 8
    71.5
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Lokomotiv Leeds

Manager: Mr Ben Silver (ENG)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Leeds United

Foster, B WBA £4m
Skrtel, M LIV £18m
Samba, C BLR £9m
Simpson, D NEW £0.5m
Heitinga, J EVE £0.5m
Wilshere, J ARS £20m
Toure, Y MCY £16.5m
van der Vaart, R TOT £5m
Moses, V WIG £3m
Hernandez, J MUN £21m
Sturridge, D CHE £0.5m
    £98m
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Newington Reds

Manager: Mr Ben Dudley (ENG)

Since: 2005 (founder member)

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Liverpool

Kenny, P QPR £0.5m
Shawcross, R STO £9m
Ferdinand, R MUN £18m
Dawson, M TOT £10m
Toure, K MCY £2.5m
Downing, S LIV £16m
Albrighton, M AVL £13m
Nasri, S MCY £18m
Sinclair, S SWA £1.5m
Ba, D NEW £11m
Holt, G NOR £0.5m
    £100m
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