Sky Sports News declare England phoney war

Gas masks
Kenna HQ is issuing protective equipment to managers until the England post is filled

Fabio Capello plunged domestic matters into chaos this week by resigning from the England post.

As managers tried to galvanise their teams after the transfer window, rolling sports news went into an unsettling overdrive.

The FC Testiculadew boss was the first to have his south London home surrounded by roving reporters.

“We’re over a hundred points in front, so it’s no time to be complacent and I’m totally focused on the league,” he said, which according to anchor Mike Wedderburn meant he’d not ruled himself out of the England job.

The cameras cut to Yorkshire, where the Lokomotiv Leeds gaffer had been stopped from driving to training by Geoff Shreeves.

“Yes, Geoff, many would say signing Phil Bardsely does show a lack of ambition, but I see it as a positive step towards catching the leaders,” answered the Lokomotiv boss from his car window, before checking his phone, most likely for missed calls from the FA, affirmed Shreeves afterwards.

Even foreigners can’t escape. Still.

In his weekly PSV Mornington press conference, the manager was explicit.

“¡Me cago en la leche!” he said, which after some deliberation studio translators confirmed meant ‘I’m working up my CV’.

Amongst the haitus, the Chairman issued a message to managers.

“Until a new England manager is appointed, it’s important that we all keep calm and carry on,” he said, before thinking that if you printed those words on mugs and T-shirts, in an ironic sort of way, it could really catch on.

Weekly scores - 9 February 2012
Weekly scores - 9 February 2012
Share Button

What the Deuce!

FCT press conference
Testiculadew: health concerns marred post-match celebrations

A Clint Dempsey hat-trick put FC Testiculadew back on top of the Kenna in spectacular fashion.

Known as ‘Deuce’ during his keepy-uppy, rapping forays into the American ‘hood, Dempsey’s dope performance has left the FCT manager trippin’.

Commenting on his team’s emphatic week from a drop-top Cadillac full of b1tches driving at 5mph, da gaffer said: “FCT is the wickedest. Kenna say I’m pussy? I dare you to stick your dick in this.

“If I was pussy I’d be filled with syphillis, herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, gettin rid of ya.”

A considerably less-than-fly week for Lokomotiv Leeds has left them 33 points off the lead.

Weekly scores - 10 January 2012
Weekly scores - 10 January 2012
Share Button