BITING BANS and injury troubles have Kenna League leaders Sporting Lesbian limping towards the line with two weeks left of the football season.
Michu, David Santon, Kieran Gibbs and Maynor Figueroa are all on the physio’s table, a thought that has teammate Luis Suarez lurking nearby with the condiments as he sits out his 10-match ban.
The personnel crisis at Sporting Lesbian is a surprising twist in this term’s final act. In his debut campaign their manager has dominated to such an extent that league investigators claim to have found the ashes of any competition for the title in the living room woodburner of his country cottage.
The door has now been left ajar for defending champions FC Testiculadew. Not dissimilar to the Sporting manager’s debut this time, FCT’s authority over last season’s contest led to their manager being implicated in the ‘Kenna in the bag‘ scandal in April 2012.
In second place for most of the year, the FCT manager is also struggling to get the best from his team as strikers Loic Remy and Dimitar Berbatov rapidly lose interest in proceedings. Over his shoulder a host of clubs are queuing up for the spoils.
Led by Anders Breivik lookalike the Judean Peoples’ Front manager – whose team ironically has one of the worst returns at hitting the target – the chasing pack extends down to the Dynamo Charlton in seventh place.
Pikey Scum in fifteenth would appear most likely to escape a dreary performance with a mid-table finish. Below them two goals from ‘Release’ Bryan Ruiz and a second league notch for Gareth McAuley on the weekend have Vasco De Beauvoir exerting a modicum of pressure on those clubs just above the drop zone.
At the bottom, the Woking manager hasn’t been to work since taking a screen test at Sky Sports News three weeks ago. Surrey Police have appealed for any information related to his whereabouts, although they advise the public not to approach him.
League table
Weekly scores
| Manager | Points | Goals | ||
| 1 | Just put Carles | Carles | 46 | 1 |
| 2 | Judean Peoples’ Front | Sholto | 40 | 0 |
| 3 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 35 | 1 |
| 4 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 35 | 0 |
| 5 | PSV Mornington | El Pons | 32 | 2 |
| 6 | Vasco De Beauvoir | Stix | 30 | 3 |
| 7 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 30 | 1 |
| 8 | Wandsworth Window Lickers | Will | 28 | 1 |
| 9 | Piedmonte | Phil | 28 | 0 |
| 10 | Headless Chickens | John N | 26 | 0 |
| 11 | Newington Reds | Dudley | 22 | 1 |
| 12 | FC Testicluadew | James N | 22 | 0 |
| 13 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 22 | 0 |
| 14 | Woking | Mike | 21 | 1 |
| 15 | Greendale Rockets | Stu | 21 | 0 |
| 16 | Spartak Mogadishu | Abdi | 21 | 0 |
| 17 | Still Don’t Know Yet | Pete | 20 | 1 |
| 18 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 15 | 1 |
| 19 | Northern Monkeys | Hugo | 13 | 0 |
| 20 | Sporting Lesbian | Ben M | 11 | 0 |
| Points | Player | |||
| Player of the week | 12 | Agbonlahor, G – AVL – STR | ||
| Club | PSV Mornington |
