Tag: hairy fadjeetas

HAIRY FADJEETAS have hit out at BBC Radio Five Live after commentators branded Hatem Ben Arfa ‘a luxury man’.

The criticism came during the first half of last night’s match at Goodison Park as Ben Arfa continued to waste possession despite his team struggling in midfield at 1-0 down.

Comments made by summariser Danny Mills outraged the Hairy Fadjeetas midfielder’s manager.

“I’d like to see Five Live bring their ‘analysis’ to the bearpit that is the Kenna and then talk about luxuries,” he fumed from his Regency chaise longue in between mouthfuls After Eight mints dipped in asses’ milk fed to him by the woman who popped Marouane Chamakh’s cherry.

Luxury league

A ‘luxury player’ is considered to be someone whose individual talent can turn a game in his team’s favour, but who contributes little actual work to the side.

Identifying luxury players in general is largely a matter of opinion, but in the Kenna there’s a hard and fast rule.

Below, Kenna teams are ordered into a hierarchy of money spent on players who so far have contributed nothing to their side’s campaign.

Woking top the list, by virtue of having the most players on nil points, including that most profligate of signings – a luxury player in goal. Cynics might say that at one place off the bottom, the club also has a luxury manager.

Leroy Lita and the luxury player’s luxury player Tomas Rosicky have fin de siècle Vasco De Beauvoir a close second.

Considering his side’s dissolute approach, the Fadges boss would do well to heed to the BBC.

Northern Monkeys, Lokomotiv Leeds and Newington Reds are all huddled over their bowl of gruel and cancelling Christmas – all their players have scored points.

1. Woking (£21.5m) – Thomas Sorensen (£4m), Gabriel Tamas (£5.5m), Micah Richards (£12m)
2. Vasco De Beauvoir (£21.5m) – Tomas Rosicky (£1.5m), Leroy Lita (£20m)
3. Hairy Fadjeetas (£18.5m) – Steve Warnock (£2m), Marouane Chamakh (£16.5m)
4. Headless Chickens (£18m) – Phil Jones (£9.5m), Michael Dawson (£6m), Phil Bardsley (£2.5m)
5. Dynamo Charlton (£15m) – Luke Young (£4m), Matthew Upson (£2.5m), The Ox (£8.5m)
6. PSV Mornington (£12.5m) – Paolo Gazzaniga (£4.5m), Phillipe Senderos (£5m), Wes Brown (£3m)
7. Pikey Scum (£11m) – Bacary Sagna
8. Bala Rinas (£10m) – Stefan Savic
9. Wandsworth Window Lickers (£9.5m) – Jamie Carragher (£0.5m), Josh McEachran (£9m)
10. FC Testiculadew (£5.5m) – Karim Frei
11. Greendale Rockets (£3.5m) – Richard Dunne (£3.5m)
12. Still Don’t Know Yet (£2.5m) – Drusille Ngako (£1m), Shane Ferguson (£1m), Gary O’Neill (£0.5m)
13. Judean Peoples’ Front (£1.5m) – Alan Hutton (£0.5m), Sebastian Squillaci (£0.5m), Scott Parker (£0.5m)
14. Spartak Mogadishu (£1m) – Luka Modric
15. Sporting Lesbian (£0.5m) – Marko Marin
16. Piedmonte (£0.5m) – Rob Green
17. Just Put Carles (£0.5m) – Jordan Henderson

League table

Weekly scores

		Manager	Points	Goals
1	FC Testicluadew	James N	46	2
2	Greendale Rockets	Stu	30	2
3	Hairy Fadjeetas	Aiden	28	2
4	Just put Carles	Carles	26	0
5	Northern Monkeys	Hugo	25	0
6	Woking	Mike	24	2
7	Lokomotiv Leeds	Ben S	24	0
8	Bala Rinas	Lewis	21	0
9	Sporting Lesbian	Ben M	20	1
10	Headless Chickens	John N	19	1
11	Dynamo Charlton	Alex	19	0
12	Still Don’t Know Yet	Pete	19	0
13	Newington Reds	Dudley	18	0
14	PSV Mornington	El Pons	17	2
15	Judean Peoples’ Front	Sholto	17	0
16	Piedmonte	Phil	16	0
17	Vasco De Beauvoir	Stix	16	0
18	Spartak Mogadishu	Abdi	14	0
19	Pikey Scum	Jack	13	1
20	Wandsworth Window Lickers	Will	2	0
		Points	Player
	Player of the week	15	Gervinho – ARS – STR
		Club	Greendale Rockets