QUESTIONS are being asked by the Kenna HQ bean counters after the Chairman made a suspicious expenses claim for the Canestan Combi Cup group stage draw.
Dancing girls, lobsters and Nubian boys hired to pick only the blue M&Ms from hundreds of packets all found their way into a receipt submitted to the apparatus, as well as costs for an exclusive central London venue.
Sponsors and the media had been told the cup group stage draw, from which the top four teams from each group will progress to the knockout stages, had put Kenna HQ on a level with the London 2012 opening ceremony and the Queen’s Diamond Jubliee.
But evidence has been unearthed that the draw was a shabby, two-bit affair performed by the Chairman using nothing more than a handful of post-it notes, a beanie hat and four sides of A4 paper.
“These rumours are absolutely preposterous. There were girls in bikinis serving a lavish menu to a handful of global megastars. I can’t believe that social media reporting live from the event didn’t make that clear,” said the Chairman when confronted with a twitpic of the Spartak Mogadishu manager’s high top.
In light of the evidence, the Kenna HQ finance department is now asking for the £80,087,322 claimed by the Chairman back again.
The Canestan Combi Cup group stage matches will be played over five game weeks between now and the February transfer window.
In each game week two teams will compete head to head. The team that scores the most goals in that week will claim three points.
League table
Weekly scores
| Manager | Points | Goals | ||
| 1 | PSV Mornington | El Pons | 33 | 2 |
| 2 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 33 | 0 |
| 3 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 32 | 2 |
| 4 | Wandsworth Window Lickers | Will | 31 | 4 |
| 5 | Judean Peoples’ Front | Sholto | 31 | 0 |
| 6 | Sporting Lesbian | Ben M | 28 | 1 |
| 7 | Northern Monkeys | Hugo | 27 | 1 |
| 8 | Vasco De Beauvoir | Stix | 24 | 0 |
| 9 | FC Testicluadew | James N | 23 | 0 |
| 10 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 23 | 0 |
| 11 | Woking | Mike | 23 | 0 |
| 12 | Headless Chickens | John N | 21 | 0 |
| 13 | Spartak Mogadishu | Abdi | 20 | 1 |
| 14 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 19 | 0 |
| 15 | Still Don’t Know Yet | Pete | 16 | 1 |
| 16 | Newington Reds | Dudley | 16 | 0 |
| 17 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 16 | 0 |
| 18 | Just put Carles | Carles | 15 | 0 |
| 19 | Greendale Rockets | Stu | 14 | 0 |
| 20 | Piedmonte | Phil | 7 | 0 |
