BINOCULARS trained on the bedroom of next door’s saucy, late-30s divorcee can scarcely produce such a fascinating window as the dilemma facing one Kenna manager in the build up to 1 February’s transfer night.
Demba Ba’s move from the Big Market to Fulham Broadway leaves the PSV Mornington boss in the unenviable position of choosing between the goal hungry African or the twinkle-toed creativity of Juan Mata.
Under Kenna rules, no manager may have two players from the same Premier League club, and PSV must release either the Senegalese or the Spaniard come the 12pm deadline on Wednesday 30 January.
“El més calent és a l’aigüera. I’ll not make up my mind until the deadline, yo no soy mañana,” riddled the PSV manager, a proud Catalan who once tried to gain managerial inspiration by locking himself in his office for six days with nothing but a carton of moody Iberian cigarettes, a tub of arroz con leche and a cardboard cutout of Pep Guardiola.
At the prospect of the coveted signature of either Ba or Mata to boost their campaign, Kenna managers will be monitoring the situation in the window more closely than a teenage boy surveilling a rough and ready tradesman’s visit to the neighbourhood cougar.
Faced with a similar quandary – albeit child’s play in comparison – between Daniel Sturridge and Jordan Henderson, and with no other Chelsea players in his side, fellow Catalan the Just Put Carles manager is a strong suitor.
If Demba Ba or Juan Mata joined JPC it would be a major coup for the manager after losing out in last season’s bitter midtable ‘Cat’-fight to his rival at PSV, and go someway towards closing the 39-point gap between the two clubs.
League table
Weekly scores
| Manager | Points | Goals | ||
| 1 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 42 | 2 |
| 2 | Spartak Mogadishu | Abdi | 33 | 2 |
| 3 | Piedmonte | Phil | 32 | 3 |
| 4 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 30 | 2 |
| 5 | Northern Monkeys | Hugo | 29 | 1 |
| 6 | Still Don’t Know Yet | Pete | 29 | 1 |
| 7 | Newington Reds | Dudley | 27 | 0 |
| 8 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 25 | 1 |
| 9 | PSV Mornington | El Pons | 25 | 0 |
| 10 | Woking | Mike | 24 | 1 |
| 11 | Greendale Rockets | Stu | 24 | 0 |
| 12 | Wandsworth Window Lickers | Will | 24 | 0 |
| 13 | Just put Carles | Carles | 23 | 1 |
| 14 | Judean Peoples’ Front | Sholto | 22 | 0 |
| 15 | Vasco De Beauvoir | Stix | 21 | 0 |
| 16 | FC Testicluadew | James N | 18 | 0 |
| 17 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 18 | 0 |
| 18 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 16 | 0 |
| 19 | Sporting Lesbian | Ben M | 16 | 0 |
| 20 | Headless Chickens | John N | 15 | 0 |
