pikey scum – The Jeff Kenna League

A Tale of Two Cissés

Charles Dickens — "It is a melancholy truth that even great men have their poor relations."

IT WAS the best of times, it was the worst of times.

It was the £500k of wisdom, it was the £13m of foolishness.

It was the of 10 goals and assist of belief, it was the two goals and red card of incredulity.

It was the 76 points of Light, it was the 15 points of Darkness.

It was the spring of Spartak Mogadishu, it was the winter of Pikey Scum.

We had a league renaissance before us, we had a quarter-final cup exit behind us.

We were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way.

In short, the period showed that Papiss had so utterly outclassed Dijbrial since their January arrival in the Kenna, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted, for good or for evil, the name Cissé was in the superlative degree of comparison only.

Cup semi final first leg results

FC Testiculadew 54 – 36 PSV Mornington

Headless Chickens 28 – 34 Hairy Fadjeetas

Torres comes prematurely for Fadjeetas cup hopes

Christianity — Touched: Religion has played a key role for Torres

FERNANDO Torres finally had his prayers answered but his exalted performance may have come a week too early.

Two goals, two assists and a first player-of-the-week award from the £27.5m Spaniard put Hairy Fadjeetas top of this week’s scoring charts.

A goal, assist and clean sheet from Jonny Evans and a goal and assist from Stewart Downing completed the rout.

“Typical, my team’s best showing all season comes a week early. I just hope Fernando’s form remains,” said the Fadges boss ahead of his side’s crunch quarter-final second leg against Dynamo Charlton.

Nine points separate the teams after the first leg.

Only one of the quarter-final ties looks like a foregone conclusion after Pikey Scum’s first leg demolition 49 – 16 by Headless Chickens.

Due to technical issues at Kenna HQ the latest table is only available by downloading the spreadsheet in the ‘details’ box.

Another day in paradise

Points: Steven Gerrard began to warrant his £26.5m price tag

Steven Gerrard emerged as player of the week in a competition that, remarkably, wasn’t a bar brawl.

The Just Put Carles midfielder picked up four assists as the opposition imploded, scoring just as many own goals.

For a side boasting David Silva and Kyle Walker, JPC are having an indifferent season.

“A top-four finish would be a trophy for us,” said a resigned JPC boss, as David Haye burst into the press conference and put on some Phil Collins.

Superfuzz made the best fist of a quiet week.

Striker Luis Suarez missed a penalty, but netted and provided to help them into the top four.

“Top four, bottom four: who cares? We just want to beat Pikey Scum,” said the Fuzz manager.