premier league – Page 16 – The Jeff Kenna League

Judean Peoples’ Front 2018/19

Cold-blooded killer: The Judean Peoples’ Front manager

Manager: Sholto (Wales)

Twitter name: @sholtoGH

Since: 2008

Home ground: Wetsuit Way

Training facility: The Island

Trophy cabinet: empty

Form
2007/08 – 11th
2009/10 – 6th
2011/12 – 9th
2012/13 – 3rd
2013/14 – 4th
2014/15 – 5th
2015/16 – 15th
2016/17 – 20th (relegated)
2017/18 – 17th

Sympathies: Manchester United

Darts music: Dr Dre – Bang Bang

Second transfer window – February 2019

Starting budget: £13m
Spend: £0.5m
Player sales:
Remaining budget:

McCarthy, A	SOT	£1.00
Sanchez, D	TOT	£5.00
Bennett, R (TW1)	WLV	£0.50
Sakho, M	CRY	£3.00
Bong, G	BTN	£2.00
de Bruyne, K	MCY	£36.00
Albrighton, M	LEI	£2.00
Pogba, P	MUN	£25.00
Yarmolenko, A	WHM	£7.00
Perez, A	NEW	£8.00
Ayew, J (TW2)	CRY	£0.50
		£90.00

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £17m
Spend: £14.5m
Player sales: £0.5m (Dejan Lovren to Cowley Casuals)
Remaining budget: £3m

McCarthy, A	SOT	£1.00
Sanchez, D	TOT	£5.00
Bennett, R (TW1)	WLV	£0.50
Sakho, M	CRY	£3.00
Bong, G	BTN	£2.00
de Bruyne, K	MCY	£36.00
Albrighton, M	LEI	£2.00
Pogba, P	FUL	£25.00
Yarmolenko, A	WHM	£7.00
Perez, A	NEW	£8.00
Ward, D (TW1)	CAR	£14.00
		£79.00

Auction XI

McCarthy, A	SOT	£1.00
Sanchez, D	TOT	£5.00
Lovren, D	LIV	£5.00
Sakho, M	CRY	£3.00
Moses, V	CHE	£0.50
de Bruyne, K	MCY	£36.00
Albrighton, M	LEI	£2.00
Pogba, P	FUL	£25.00
Yarmolenko, A	WHM	£7.00
Perez, A	NEW	£8.00
Niasse, O	EVE	£0.50
		£93.00

Dulwich Red Sox 2018/19

Manager: Luke (Shropshire)

Twitter name: @Joneseyla

Since: 2011

Home ground: Dulwich Common

Training facility: Winter Wonderland

Trophy cabinet: Empty

Form
2011/12 – 13th
2013/14 – 22nd (relegated)

Sympathies: Liverpool

Darts music: Rat Rapping – Roland Rat (featuring Kevin the Hamster)

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £29.5m
Spend: N/A
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget: £29.5m

Bravo, C	MCY	£0.50
Yedlin, D	NEW	£5.00
Bardsley, P	BUR	£0.50
Young, A	MUN	£5.00
Cahill, G	CHE	£0.50
Salah, M	LIV	£44.00
Richarlison	EVE	£16.00
Moura, L	TOT	£12.00
Ramsey, A	ARS	£6.00
Long, S	SOT	£0.50
Jimenez, R	WLV	£0.50
		£90.50

Auction XI

Bravo, C	MCY	£0.50
Yedlin, D	NEW	£5.00
Bardsley, P	BUR	£0.50
Young, A	MUN	£5.00
Cahill, G	CHE	£0.50
Salah, M	LIV	£44.00
Richarlison	EVE	£16.00
Moura, L	TOT	£12.00
Ramsey, A	ARS	£6.00
Long, S	SOT	£0.50
Jimenez, R	WLV	£0.50
		£90.50

Dynamo Charlton 2018/19

Manager: Alex (Surrey)

Twitter name: @alexbass75

Since: 2011

Home ground: The Dynamic Valley

Training facility: Stone Lake

Trophy cabinet: Olisadebe Euro 2012 winner

Form
2011/12 – 6th
2012/13 – 6th
2013/14 – 12th
2014/15 – 15th
2015/16 – 4th
2016/17 – 15th
2017/18 – 10th

Sympathies: Charlton Athletic

Darts music: The Gladiators TV theme

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £82.5m
Spend: £17m
Player sales: £0.5m (Chicharito to Bala Rinas)
Remaining budget: £66m

Foster, B	WAT	£10.00
Dalot, D	MUN	£0.50
Kolasinac, S	ARS	£0.50
Jorgensen, M	HUD	£0.50
Cook, S	BOU	£0.50
Pedro	CHE	£13.00
Moutinho, J	WLV	£5.00
Wijnaldum, G	LIV	£5.00
Jahanbakhsh, A	BTN	£0.50
Tosun, C	EVE	£26.00
Vokes, S (TW1)	BUR	£17.00
		£78.50

Auction XI

Foster, B	WAT	£10.00
Dalot, D	MUN	£0.50
Kolasinac, S	ARS	£0.50
Jorgensen, M	HUD	£0.50
Cook, S	BOU	£0.50
Pedro	CHE	£13.00
Moutinho, J	WLV	£5.00
Wijnaldum, G	LIV	£5.00
Jahanbakhsh, A	BTN	£0.50
Tosun, C	EVE	£26.00
Hernandez, J	WHM	£11.00
		£72.50

Cowley Casuals 2018/19

Stu manager pic — Buckets of potential: The Cowley Casuals manager

Manager: Stu (Wolverhampton)

Twitter name: @sfinch100

Since: 2012

Home ground: Ground Zero Hours

Training facility: The Agency

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winners 2015

Form
2012/13 – 17th
2013/14 – did not enter
2014/15 – 2nd
2015/16 – 12th
2016/17 – 7th
2017/18 – 16th

Sympathies: Wolves

Darts music: Menergy – Patrick Cowley

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £13m
Spend: £1.5m
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget: 11.5m

Gunn, A	SOT	£0.50
Luiz, D	CHE	£10.00
Mendy, B	MCY	£26.00
Lovren, D (TW1)	LIV	£0.50
Jones, P (TW1)	MUN	£0.50
Jota, D	WLV	£16.00
Maddison, J	LEI	£9.00
Cairney, T	FUL	£10.00
Gomes, A (TW1)	EVE	£0.50
Wilson, C	BOU	£10.00
Deeney, T	WAT	£1.00
		£97.00

Auction XI

Gunn, A	SOT	£0.50
Luiz, D	CHE	£10.00
Mendy, B	MCY	£26.00
Lichtsteiner, S	ARS	£2.00
Fredericks, R	WHM	£0.50
Jota, D	WLV	£16.00
Maddison, J	LEI	£9.00
Cairney, T	FUL	£10.00
Fred	MUN	£12.00
Wilson, C	BOU	£10.00
Deeney, T	WAT	£1.00
		£97.00

Bala Rinas 2018/19

Manager: Lewis (Wales)

Twitter name: @jsl105

Since: 2007 (committee member – league treasurer)

Home ground: Bala Park

Training facility: Tutu Lake

Trophy cabinet: empty

Form
2007/08 – 12th (relegated)
2011/12 – 8th
2012/13 – 13th
2013/14 – 3rd
2014/15 – 3rd
2015/16 – 3rd
2016/17 – 9th
2017/18 – 19th

Sympathies: Wrexham

Darts music: C.R.E.A.M. – Wu Tang Clan

Second transfer window – February 2019

Starting budget: £106m
Spend: £2m
Player sales:
Remaining budget:

Moraes, E	MCY	£14.00
Doherty, M	WLV	£5.00
Shaw, L	MUN	£0.50
Zouma, K	EVE	£0.50
Lichtsteiner, S (TW2)	ARS	£0.50
Deulofeu, G	WAT	£0.50
Willian	CHE	£0.50
Milner, J	LIV	£0.50
Dier, E	TOT	£0.50
Hernandez, J	WHM	£0.50
Gabbiadini, M	SOT	£0.50
		£23.50

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £86.5m
Spend: £1.5m
Player sales: £11m (Joselu to Lokomotiv Leeds)
Remaining budget: £96m

Moraes, E	MCY	£14.00
Doherty, M	WLV	£5.00
Shaw, L	MUN	£0.50
Zouma, K	EVE	£0.50
Holding, R (TW1)	ARS	£0.50
Deulofeu, G	WAT	£0.50
Willian	CHE	£0.50
Milner, J	LIV	£0.50
Dier, E	TOT	£0.50
Hernandez, J (TW1)	WHM	£0.50
Gabbiadini, M (TW1)	SOT	£0.50
		£23.50

Auction XI

Moraes, E	MCY	£14.00
Doherty, M	WLV	£5.00
Shaw, L	MUN	£0.50
Zouma, K	EVE	£0.50
Balogun, L	BTN	£0.50
Deulofeu, G	WAT	£0.50
Willian	CHE	£0.50
Milner, J	LIV	£0.50
Dier, E	TOT	£0.50
Perez, L	WHM	£0.50
Joselu	NEW	£0.50
		£23.50

Fat Ladies 2018/19

Fat Ladies manager picture — Pies the limit: The Fat Ladies manager

Manager: Ted (Coventry)

Twitter name: @haggerstontimes

Since: 2005 (co-founder)

Home ground: Haggerston Park

Training facility: Kingsland Road

Trophy cabinet: Champions 2007/08

Form
2005/06 – 5th
2007/08 – 4th
2008/09 – 1st
2009/10 – 12th (relegated)
2014/15 – 19th (relegated)

Sympathies: Coventry, Manchester United

Darts music: Single Ladies – Beyonce

Second transfer window – February 2019

Starting budget: £23.5m
Spend: £1.5m
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget:

Rico, S	FUL	£2.00
Vertonghen, J	TOT	£16.00
van Dijk, V	LIV	£22.00
Laporte, A	MCY	£0.50
Soares, C (TW2)	SOT	£0.50
Hazard, E	CHE	£26.00
Suarez, D (TW2)	ARS	£0.50
Townsend, A (TW1)	CRY	£0.50
Fred (TW2)	MUN	£0.50
Mounie, S	HUD	£1.00
Vardy, J	LEI	£26.00
		£95.50

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £14.5m
Spend: £1m
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget: £13.5m

Rico, S	FUL	£2.00
Vertonghen, J	TOT	£16.00
van Dijk, V	LIV	£22.00
Laporte, A	MCY	£0.50
Baines, L	EVE	£0.50
Hazard, E	CHE	£26.00
Fellaini, M (TW1)	MUN	£0.50
Townsend, A (TW1)	CRY	£0.50
Defour, S	BUR	£0.50
Mounie, S	HUD	£1.00
Vardy, J	LEI	£26.00
		£95.50

Auction XI

Rico, S	FUL	£2.00
Vertonghen, J	TOT	£16.00
van Dijk, V	LIV	£22.00
Laporte, A	MCY	£0.50
Baines, L	EVE	£0.50
Hazard, E	CHE	£26.00
Puncheon, J	CRY	£0.50
Herrera, A	MUN	£0.50
Defour, S	BUR	£0.50
Mounie, S	HUD	£1.00
Vardy, J	LEI	£26.00
		£95.50

Young Boys 2018/19

Manager: Denney (Wales)

Twitter name: @andenney

Since: 2007

Home ground: Yewtree Lane

Training facility: Fiddler’s Harris

Trophy cabinet: Champions 2010/11 and 2015/16, Canesten Combi Cup winners 2008/09

Form
2007/08 – 5th
2008/09 – 3rd (cup winners)
2009/10 – 2nd
2010/11 – 1st (champions)
2011/12 – 4th
2013/14 – 16th
2014/15 – 6th
2015/16 – 1st (champions)
2016/17 – 12th
2017/18 – 12th

Sympathies: Spurs

Darts music: We Don’t Talk Anymore – Sir Cliff Richard

Second transfer window – February 2019

Starting budget: £18.5m
Spend: £1.5m
Player sales:
Remaining budget: £m

Boruc, A (TW2)	BOU	£0.50
Gomez, J	LIV	£0.50
Keane, M	EVE	£3.00
Tomkins, J	CRY	£0.50
Rudiger, A	CHE	£15.00
Gross, P	BTN	£13.00
Silva, B	MCY	£25.00
Pereyra, R	WAT	£1.00
Herrera, A (TW2)	MUN	£0.50
Lacazette, A	ARS	£40.00
Niasse, O (TW2)	CAR	£0.50
		£99.50

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £10.5m
Spend: £2m
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget: £8.5m

Bettinelli, M (TW1)	FUL	£0.50
Gomez, J	LIV	£0.50
Keane, M	EVE	£3.00
Tomkins, J	CRY	£0.50
Rudiger, A	CHE	£15.00
Gross, P	BTN	£13.00
Silva, B	MCY	£25.00
Pereyra, R	WAT	£1.00
Lennon, A (TW1)	BUR	£0.50
Lacazette, A	ARS	£40.00
Depoitre, L (TW1)	HUD	£1.00
		£100m

Auction XI

Heaton, T	BUR	£0.50
Gomez, J	LIV	£0.50
Keane, M	EVE	£3.00
Tomkins, J	CRY	£0.50
Rudiger, A	CHE	£15.00
Gross, P	BTN	£13.00
Silva, B	MCY	£25.00
Pereyra, R	WAT	£1.00
Shipman, H	BRM	£0.50
Lacazette, A	ARS	£40.00
Llorente, F	TOT	£0.50
		£99.50

Chairman’s XI 2018/19

Chairman 69 problems — …but running the best pub-based fantasy football auction in London ain’t one: The Chairman

Manager: Stix

Twitter name: @jeffkennaleague

Since: 2005 (co-founder and chairman)

Home ground: West Green Road

Training facility: Black Boy Lane

Trophy cabinet:
Champions 2005/06
Canesten Combi Cup winner 2006
Treble in 2009/2010 (league, cup, Dr Khumalo World Cup 2010)
Narcozep Cup winner 2017

Form
2005/06 – 1st
2006/07 – 3rd
2007/08 – 7th
2008/09 – 9th
2009/10 – 1st
2010/11 – 4th
2011/12 – 16th
2012/13 – 18th (relegated)
2013/14 – 10th
2014/15 – 11th
2015/16 – 11th
2016/17 – 13th (cup winner)
2017/18 – 15th

Sympathies: Kidderminster Harriers

Darts music: Let Me Be Your Fantasy – Baby D

Second transfer window – February 2019

Remaining budget: £22m
Spend: £0.5m
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget: £21.5m

Hennessey, W	CRY	£1.00
Stones, J	MCY	£9.00
Azpilicueta, C	CHE	£17.00
Bertrand, R	SOT	£10.00
Daniels, C	BOU	£3.00
Antonio, M	WHM	£7.00
Ritchie, M	NEW	£6.00
Keita, N	LIV	£19.00
Neves, R	WLV	£17.00
Barnes, A	BUR	£3.00
Locadia, J (TW2)	BTN	£0.50
		£92.50

First transfer window – October 2018

Remaining budget: £12m
Spend: N/A
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget: £12m

Hennessey, W	CRY	£1.00
Stones, J	MCY	£9.00
Azpilicueta, C	CHE	£17.00
Bertrand, R	SOT	£10.00
Daniels, C	BOU	£3.00
Antonio, M	WHM	£7.00
Ritchie, M	NEW	£6.00
Keita, N	LIV	£19.00
Neves, R	WLV	£17.00
Barnes, A	BUR	£3.00
Welbeck, D	ARS	£6.00
		£98.00

Auction XI

Hennessey, W	CRY	£1.00
Stones, J	MCY	£9.00
Azpilicueta, C	CHE	£17.00
Bertrand, R	SOT	£10.00
Daniels, C	BOU	£3.00
Antonio, M	WHM	£7.00
Ritchie, M	NEW	£6.00
Keita, N	LIV	£19.00
Neves, R	WLV	£17.00
Barnes, A	BUR	£3.00
Welbeck, D	ARS	£6.00
		£98.00

Rob Green signed as tour guide

ROB Green has signed for Chelsea to introduce the club’s new foreign signings to English culture.

The 38-year-old goalkeeper isn’t expected to take part in any football matches, just show new players famous London landmarks and introduce them to British cuisine.

Chelsea’s £50.4m signing Jorginho was the first to go on Green’s induction and spoke about his experience.

“Yesterday Rob take me Tower of London. I say to him ‘Rob, what are these men in the red facking uniforms?’

“He tell me they are Beefeaters. You English crazy. How they going catch crooks stealing the crown jewels in that stupid facking outfit.

Green then took Jorginho on a Thames Clipper cruise before the pair went for lunch.

“I tell him ‘Rob, I want to eat the fish and the facking chips, Rob. The fish and the facking chips.’

“He show me saveloy sausage and teach me new phrase ‘oi oi, saveloy’.

“We get the fish and the facking chips in paper and eat sitting on wall in front of tower block, like the real English people. I take one bite and say ‘Rob, this English food it taste like the facking shit.”

Should Chelsea sign Juventus centre-back Daniele Rugani, Green plans to take him to Madame Tussauds before going for pie and mash in Islington.

Kenna League managers are not expected to sign Green at next month’s fantasy football auction, but interest in Jorginho is likely to see the Italian fetch a high price in the bidding.

“Oi, oi, facking saveloy,” said the former Napoli midfielder.

Two horse Kharine

TWO matches to go for all players left in the tournament and the Kharine is a two horse race.

Pikov Scuminov (175 points – Sterling, Greizmann, Mertens) have the strongest hand with three attacking starters and at least one bound to appear in the ‘traditionally a goal fest’ third place game.

The manager of I Knew Sterling Would F*ck It Up! (168 – Strinic, Lukaku, Rashford, Dembele) relies on clean sheets and substitute appearances.

Kharine organiser the vice chairman has hinted there will only be cash prizes for first and second place, but this remains unconfirmed and four sides jostle for the honour of third:

FC Testiculadew (147 – Pickford, Meunier, Lemar)
Lubyanka B (146 – Vertonghen, Lingard, Kramaric)
Lokomotiv Leeds (143 – Perisic, Giroud)
Putin More Russian Puns (141 – Walker, Hazard, Mbappe, Mandzukic)

Since the vice chairman’s team Young Bolsheviks hasn’t been in with a chance of a podium finish since the start of the Kharine, remuneration for third place is solely expected to be kudos.

One remarkable similarity between the last four nations left in Russia is their disciplinary record. Not one country has seen red and aside from Croatia (12) yellow cards have been sparse for England (5), Belgium (7) and France (8).

In a recent football history where the French throw their toys out the pram and sulk on the team coach, an England player cracks under pressure at a crucial moment or Marouane Fellaini, can those remaining hold their nerve?

Conversely, while the England football team has committed the fewest fouls of the remaining nations, their supporters continue to prove their fellow countryman Charles Darwin’s theory of natural selection with a series of celebration-related incidents.

@AskPaddyPower What are the odds of numbers of Englishmen to die in celebration-related injuries over the next seven days?

— Stix (@jeffkennaleague) July 9, 2018

Kharine table – post quarter finals

Full scores available from The Rub.