Tag: recount

No Sporting chance

Two girls with slime
Sporting Lesbians: It got messy (Photo courtesy of Wet and Messy Photography)

CHANCES of a debut manager winning the Kenna league and cup double for the second season in a row came to an end today.

Sporting Lesbian, who have dominated this season’s league campaign since before anyone can remember, were found to have been dumped out of the Canesten Combi Cup quarter finals after a goal recount.

The Lesbians were initially thought to have progressed to the semi finals last week at the expense of Just Put Carles. It emerged that goals from JPC’s Mikel Arteta and Jordan Henderson were overlooked.

The administrative error led to fierce criticism of the Chairman who is alleged to have been dicking around in the former Gestapo headquarters in Warsaw instead of attending to league matters. He has denied everything.

The recount sees Just Put Carles, who have been resurgent in league form of late, pitted against Still Don’t Know Yet, who haven’t.

In the other semi final Spartak Mogadishu will face cup holders FC Testiculadew.

Known across the Kenna as ‘the tactical Brambler‘ for his underhand gamesmanship, the FCT manager is also looking to defend his league crown, but faces an uphill struggle as he attempts to claw back a 72-point lead from Sporting Lesbian in just six weeks.

For Spartak Mogadishu the cup holds the only chance left of picking up any prize money this season. The Pirates had challenged for third spot but – like Hairy Fadjeetas, Northern Monkeys and Newington Reds before them – their league campaign appears to have run out of steam.

At the bottom, Headless Chickens are just about keeping their, uh, necks above the waterline of the relegation zone.

Vasco De Beauvoir and Wandsworth Window Lickers are fast running out of time to mount a late charge for safety. The writing’s been on the wall a long time for Woking.

The cup semi final first leg will be held this weekend.

Another event being held this weekend is the Greenwich to Tower Bridge pub crawl. The bit of walking, 11 pubs and short boat trip is a follow up to the incredibly successful pub crawl of the number 38 London bus route in autumn. For more information contact the league.

Canesten Combi Cup quarter final recount

Sporting Lesbian 1 (3) – 3 (4) Just Put Carles
Michu                                                      Silva, Henderson, Arteta

League table

Week 31 - 9 April 2013
Week 31 – 9 April 2013

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Judean Peoples’ Front Sholto 39 3
2 Just put Carles Carles 34 1
3 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 32 2
4 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 31 1
5 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 27 2
6 Dynamo Charlton Alex 26 1
7 Piedmonte Phil 26 1
8 Spartak Mogadishu Abdi 25 2
9 Woking Mike 23 0
10 PSV Mornington El Pons 21 1
11 FC Testicluadew James N 20 1
12 Bala Rinas Lewis 20 0
13 Wandsworth Window Lickers Will 20 0
14 Newington Reds Dudley 19 0
15 Northern Monkeys Hugo 17 1
16 Pikey Scum Jack 14 0
17 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 12 1
18 Vasco De Beauvoir Stix 12 0
19 Headless Chickens John N 10 0
20 Greendale Rockets Stu 9 0
Points Player
Player of the week 11 Rosicky, T – ARS – MID
Club Unsigned
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League incompetence exposed

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Spot the Luger: The Chairman claims he was never in the former Gestapo headquarters in Warsaw

THE KENNA League has been accused of taking a ‘back of a fag packet’ approach in the wake of a cup results controversy.

On Tuesday Kenna HQ published aggregate scores of the Canesten Combi Cup quarter finals which were immediately called into question.

Sporting Lesbian were initially believed to have beaten Just Put Carles after their match at The Gash. It now appears that result was wrong and JPC will progress.

The Spartak Mogadishu manager also claims that his team had no chance of beating Northern Monkeys. Both goal counts are to be reviewed.

The league has come under severe criticism surrounding the matter, with the Chairman’s official visit to Poland pinpointed as the reason for the oversight.

Rumours abound that instead of attending to Kenna business the Chairman was making ‘guess where I am’ phone calls to his mates from the duty office of the former Gestapo headquarters in Warsaw.

“You can shine a desk lamp in my face and kick me in the knackers with a jackboot, but I’ll keep telling you the same story: what with eating a strange mixture of cabbage and pickled herring at mealtimes, and drinking myriad shots, I’ve had my hands full,” said the Chairman, who isn’t any less of a man for discovering a taste for quince vodka.

“You must appreciate that I’ve had no access to Microsoft Excel for a week, something the Headless Chickens manager will understand, and when I return to Kenna HQ all will be resolved.

“Right now I’ve got three more days of Poles giggling as I attempt to communicate with them in their native tongue.”

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