‘Aerobatic joyriders’: The chairman was heavily critical of the Red Arrows today when they turned down a Kenna flypast request (photo courtesy of Crustyfur)
THE Kenna League chairman launched an astonishing attack on the Red Arrows today after they turned down a flypast request for this summer’s 10th anniversary auction.
The Kenna announced on Tuesday the Royal Air Force Aerobatic Team would be part of the league’s landmark celebrations on Saturday 9 August this year, when they would perform a flypast over the City of London pub where the auction is to be held.
The chairman was forced into an embarrassing u-turn today when a leaked email from the Ministry of Defence revealed 25 blokes on an all-dayer did not meet the strict event criteria demanded for Red Arrows flypasts.
“Red Arrows? Don’t talk to me about the Red f***ing Arrows!” roared the chairman at a press conference called to discuss next Wednesday’s Kenna transfer window deadline.
“Football and pubs. That’s what British society is and that’s exactly what the Kenna stands for: football and pubs. Those aerobatic joyriders wouldn’t know a cornerstone of the British institution if it pinched one off in their cockpit.
“They say flypasts over London by military aircraft are restricted to Royal, state or exceptionally high-profile events. What do those showboaters think the Kenna is? We’ve got nearly 200 followers on Twitter.”
With flypast plans scrapped, the chairman admitted the league was thin on the ground for ideas of how best to mark the 10th anniversary of London’s leading pub-based fantasy football league.
“If Sepp Blatter turns down his invite, it’s squeaky bum time,” he said.
Day to remember: An artist’s impression of crowds gathered for the 10th anniversary Kenna auction this August (photo courtesy of the Ministry of Defence)
THE Red Arrows will join this summer’s 10th anniversary Kenna auction celebrations.
In their famous diamond formation, the RAF aerobatic team will stage a flypast outside the pub where the auction is due to take place on Saturday 9 August.
“We’re delighted to announce the Red Arrows will be part of the celebrations for our landmark 10th Kenna football auction,” confirmed the chairman today at a press conference in the saloon bar of the King’s Arms, Waterloo.
“The motto of the Red Arrows is ‘eclat’ or excellence, and this mutual aspiration for the highest standards between our organisations is surely the reason why they’ll agree to mark this culmination of two cornerstones of British society: football and pubs.
“The league is the envy of football and pub fans the world over. With membership growing in the league each year, we can be certain this summer’s event will see up to 25 managers competing for the prize.”
Confident: The chairman waved a copy of the flypast request to the media
Initial respect from assembled journalists was quickly overtaken by scepticism when it emerged the chairman had only just faxed off the Red Arrows flypast request to the Ministry of Defence in the last 10 minutes.
“Of course, we haven’t heard back from the RAF yet. They’re busy playing cricket on an airfield or getting their batman to lay out formal evening wear, but we’ve made a watertight request well ahead of the 31 March deadline.
“There’s not a doubt in my mind the squadron leader or bomber command, or whoever the handlebar moustache is in charge of these things, will rubber stamp the request and give our 10th Kenna auction the sense of occasion it deserves.”
The chairman refused to confirm the exact location of the auction since it was ‘now a matter of national security’.
Next week will see this season’s second transfer window, where managers release their unwanted players and then head to the pub to buy replacements at auction.
