roofie – The Jeff Kenna League

Sacked: the Seduction boss arrives at Liverpool Crown Court

LONG. Hard. Ending with a gooey substance on the face.

For two other managers, the Polonia Forsyth boss’s experiences echo the Kenna season.

Guaranteeing her place in the relegation zone with one week left to go, the Polonia boss faces being blackballed by the club board – a term she previously associated with an alternative warm-up exercise developed with Mario Balotelli.

Sadly, unless the ‘madcap’ Italian produces the performance of his life this weekend, the Polonia gaffer faces a similar fate to the Thieving Magpies manager.

At one point prohibited from going out in his own backyard, the ‘Pies ‘coach’ is already working up his CV for the summer, at all times omitting the £32m he paid for Darren Bent.

A tough sentence also awaits the Dan Terry Seduction manager.

‘Roofie Dan‘ may have made away with the branded stationery, but his career in the Kenna hangs in the balance.

The August titular fiasco perhaps a sign of the calamity to come, a summons to the Rochdale grooming trial has made the Seduction manager’s position untenable.

“But I didn’t know they wanted the pills for that,” he pleaded.

Meanwhile, FC Testiculadew march on towards their first Kenna league title.

FCT need to score 65 points this week to break the most-points-scored-in-a-season record, set by Vasco De Beauvoir in the inaugural Kenna 2005/06 season.

They could also scoop the second ever Kenna double by beating Pavel Pogrebnyak’s Headless Chickens in the Cannestan Combi Cup final on Sunday.

Vasco De Beauvoir won the first ever double in the 2009/10 season, before their manager went on to lift the 2010 Khumalo World Cup.

A preview of the cup final will be published later in the week.

Weekly scores - 9 May 2012 — Weekly scores – 9 May 2012

Champagne manager, beer football: Seduction are failing to woo supporters

FACES don’t come much more egg-stained than that of the Dan Terry Seduction manager.

Ever since the pre-season name change fiasco, the DTS boss has been struggling to impress.

His team have occupied the relegation zone for much of the campaign and £26m, one-goal Florent Malouda is a prime candidate for big money flop of the season.

“There have been positives, like the form of Sebastian Larsson,” said the Seduction gaffer to a young female reporter who’d come to his office to interview him for the local rag.

“But let’s not get bogged down in the nitty gritty, shall we?” he continued, dimming his office lights, putting on some Barry White and uncorking a bottle of Asda’s own champagne.

“You know, managing a team in the Kenna is a lot like making love to a beautiful woman.

“To be successful you’ve got to keep hammering it in the goal right to the end. And make sure things are nice and tight at the back.”

The Seduction boss had by now poured two glasses and moved around to sit on the desk very close to the journalist, leaning over her.

“I sense that you’re nervous. Is this your first big assignment?” he said, handing her a drink.

She rolled her eyes. “Actually no. I interviewed George Elokobi a couple of weeks ago. He told me how glad he was to be rid of this place. We drew straws in the office to see who would interview you.”

“I see you have spirit. Football can be a hard game. Have you much experience?” as he said this he toasted her and took a sip.

“Listen. I’ve to get a story filed in two hours. I think I’ve got enough here. You’ll probably get spiked for the story about a Headless Chickens defender turning up for training in nothing but a pair of comedy breasts anyway,” she said, putting down her glass and leaving.

The Seduction boss spent a few moments sitting on his desk after she left. Eventually he got up.

“Damn!” he said, looking at the untouched drink. “That’s another roofie wasted.”

Download a full breakdown of the scores from the ‘Details’ box on the right hand side of this page.

Tag: roofie

Winning the sack race

Charm offensive