shaun wright-phillips – The Jeff Kenna League

Greendale Rockets

Manager: Stu (Wolverhampton)

Twitter name: @sfinch100

Since: Debut

Trophy cabinet: Empty

Sympathies: Wolves

Darts music: I was made for lovin’ you – Kiss

Outlook: The £38m swoop for Rooney shows intent, even if the £6.5m deal for SWP and Gervinho looks like what the ingrained Kenna manager may regard as a schoolboy error. Dodgy foreheads aside, the rest of the Rockets starting line up looks like a few points. Cup run?

No Brambles

Boruc, A	SOT	£0.5m
Zabaleta, P	MCY	£7m
Azpilicueta, C	CHE	£4.5m
Cuellar, C	SUN	£0.5m
Williamson, M	NEW	£4m
The Ox	ARS	£5m
Gera, Z	WBA	£0.5m
Coutinho, P	LIV	£20m
Lennon, A	TOT	£8.5m
Rooney, W	MUN	£38m
Becchio, L	NOR	£2m
	Total	£90.5m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out			In
Reina, P	LIV	£16m	Boruc, A	SOT	£0.5m
Clark, C	AVL	£2m	Azpilicueta, C	CHE	£4.5m
Bertrand, R	CHE	£8m	Cuellar, C	SUN	£0.5m
Taylor, M	WHM	£3.5m	The Ox	ARS	£5m
Kightly, M	STO	£5m	Coutinho, P	LIV	£20m
Gervinho	ARS	£0.5m	Becchio, L	NOR	£2m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out			In
Taylor, N	SWA	£0.5m	Clark, C	AVL	£2m
Dunne, R	AVL	£3.5m	Bertrand, R	CHE	£8m
W-Phillips, S	QPR	£6m	Taylor, M	WHM	£3.5m
Miereles, R	FEN	£6m	Gera, Z	WBA	£0.5m

FC Testiculadew (second window)

FC Testiculadew made no transfers in the second window

Manager: Mr James Norris (ENG)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Everton

Szczesny, W	ARS	£2m
Kaboul, Y	TOT	£5.5m
O’Shea, J	SUN	£5.5m
Shorey, N	WBA	£0.5m
Clark, C	AVL	£0.5m
Mata, J	CHE	£31m
Dempsey, C	FUL	£5.5m
Fellaini, M	EVE	£4.5m
W-Phillips, S	QPR	£8m
Rooney, W	MUN	£28m
Dzeko, E	MCY	£5.5m
		£96.5m

Mouldy Balls!

Even with Rooney and Dzeko doing their best Shrek and Donkey impression up front, FC Testiculadew dominate the Kenna.

The club now enjoy an 82-point lead atop the league.

Attacking midfielder Clint Dempsey was the hip hop superstar a fortnight past.

‘Deuce’ the goal robot popped up again with another player-of-week hat-trick.

Two assists from Shaun Wright-Phillips, one from Marouane Fellaini and a John O’Shea clean sheet completed the rout.

“I’ve put off this kind of talk so far, but now I’ve got one hand on that tax-free prize money come May,” said the FCT boss, or ‘Monsieur Pickles Quarte-vingts’ as he’s known at the gaming tables of the principality.