Tag: sturridge

Testiculadew toppled

Ruins
In ruins: FCT's clean sweep

Having forged what looked like an unassailable lead by September, FC Testiculadew have lost the top spot to Lokomotiv Leeds.

The northern club have mounted a growing challenge in recent weeks due to strong showings from Rafa Van der Vaart, Yaya Touré and Daniel Sturridge.

It was a goal and clean sheet from Slovak Martin Skrtel that made the difference this weekend as Lokomotiv pipped FCT at the table top by three points.

However, a dark shadow hangs over Leeds’ title hopes as Yaya Touré could be off to Africa.

Another dark shadow hangs over other parts of the Kenna in the form of rac1sm. Superfuzz striker Luis Suarez was handed an eight-match ban for comments made to Pikey Scum defender Patrice Evra.

Thieving Magpies are also set to face more woe as defender John Terry is expected to be charged with rac1sm.

“I don’t understand it, you couldn’t meet a nicer guy,” lied the ‘Pies boss.

Weekly scores - 21 December 2011
Weekly scores - 21 December 2011
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Lokomotiv Leeds (first window)

Manager: Mr Ben Silver (ENG)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Leeds United

Foster, B WBA £4m
Skrtel, M LIV £18m
Samba, C BLR £9m
Simpson, D NEW £0.5m
Taylor, N SWA £0.5m
Bennett, E NOR £0.5m
Toure, Y MCY £16.5m
van der Vaart, R TOT £5m
Moses, V WIG £3m
Hernandez, J MUN £21m
Sturridge, D CHE £0.5m
£78.5m
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So Long Gyan for Silver

Kenna table week 5
Kenna table - week 5

The Dynamo Charlton manager has been left stunned by Assamoah Gyan’s decision to leave the bright lights of the Kenna for the obscurity of the Etisalat Pro-league in the UAE, despite telling Jeff All News otherwise.

The Dynamo boss blamed so-called ‘parasites’ who emerged after Gyan’s excellent performance at a friendly against England in March.

“He’s been unsettled now, if we are being brutally honest, for weeks and months,” the Dynamo manager said.

“Since that game at Wembley, all the parasites, as I call them, hover around.

“Real Madrid was the first one, which I laughed at five months ago, but it started with that and it’s ended up with the United Arab Emirates.”

FC Testiculadew extended their lead at the top to 35 points with a hat trick from Wayne Rooney.

It looks increasingly difficult to stop the charge of the club, especially as they dominate the table without Bosnian goal machine Edin Dzeko.

“Bankers are morally inferior to looters,” said the FCT manager to nonplussed hacks outside the VD Stadium, when asked about his decision to leave Dzeko on the bench.

Elsehwere, Lokomotiv Leeds‘ Daniel Sturridge emerged as striker elect in west London.

Linking up with El Chicharito, Lokomotiv’s front men rustled up three goals this week to score the most points.

This is bads new for the Hairy Fadjeetas manager, as Fernando Torres spent the weekend looking on from the sidelines and looks ever more marginalised.

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