suarez – The Jeff Kenna League

Testiculadew toppled

Having forged what looked like an unassailable lead by September, FC Testiculadew have lost the top spot to Lokomotiv Leeds.

The northern club have mounted a growing challenge in recent weeks due to strong showings from Rafa Van der Vaart, Yaya Touré and Daniel Sturridge.

It was a goal and clean sheet from Slovak Martin Skrtel that made the difference this weekend as Lokomotiv pipped FCT at the table top by three points.

However, a dark shadow hangs over Leeds’ title hopes as Yaya Touré could be off to Africa.

Another dark shadow hangs over other parts of the Kenna in the form of rac1sm. Superfuzz striker Luis Suarez was handed an eight-match ban for comments made to Pikey Scum defender Patrice Evra.

Thieving Magpies are also set to face more woe as defender John Terry is expected to be charged with rac1sm.

“I don’t understand it, you couldn’t meet a nicer guy,” lied the ‘Pies boss.

Superfuzz (first window)

Manager: Mr Pete Edwards

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Southampton

Krul, T	NEW	£0.5m
Stearman, R	WLV	£0.5m
Baines, L	EVE	£11m
Knight, Z	BOL	£0.5m
Dawson, M	TOT	£0.5m
Nani	MUN	£32m
Johnson, A	MCY	£9.5m
Dyer, N	SWA	£0.5m
Petrov, S	AVL	£0.5m
Anelka, N	CHE	£7.5m
Suarez, L	LIV	£28m
		£91m

Dropping the N-bomb

Luis Suarez and Patrice Evra — "Where's your caravan?"

The Kenna was rocked this week by allegations of derogatory remarks made during a match to Pikey Scum defender Patrice Evra.

Superfuzz striker Luis Suarez, who stands accused of using the ‘N’ word, denies any wrongdoing and has the full backing of his manager.

“Like all my players, Luis epitomises the civility, taste and style of Superfuzz FC and I can’t imagine him ever coming out with this type of remark during a match,” said the manager, after putting in a discreet telephone call to Ebony Entertainments Ltd to cancel down the surprise stripper for the club’s Halloween party.

The Pikey Scum manager defended claims that his defender fabricated the incident to draw attention away from another lacklustre performance.

“Being the Pikey Scum of the Kenna it’s a sad fact that we’ve grown used to these sort of comments and this type of negative stereotyping,” he said, while loading scrap metal into an untaxed van under the cover of darkness. “But, to call Patrice a ‘nomad’ during league play, that’s just unacceptable.”