wayne rooney – Page 2 – The Jeff Kenna League

Thrush ‘n’ roulette

Roulette wheel — Everything on red: Chickens are banking on former Spartak Moscow centre forward Pogrebnyak

PAVEL Pogrebnyak is tipped to be the key man when the wheel spins in Sunday’s Cannestan Combi Cup showdown.

The Headless Chickens scalp hunter has led a mid-season renaissance at the club, who must go into Sunday’s game as underdogs against the omnipotent, title-winning form of FC Testiculadew.

Lamplighters through the knock-out stages of the tournament, there’ll be no love lost between sibling rivals the FCT and Chickens managers.

The Chickens boss will hope goalscoring occasionals Steve Morison, Robert Huth and Theo Walcott will also hit a gold stream in what promises to be a ding-dong tie.

With Edin Dzeko less smiley over the last few months, the FCT manager will look to stalwarts Wayne Rooney, Juan Mata and incredible import from the American cousins Clint Dempsey to make it the double.

The real Super Pav

Cossack dance — Cossack caper: Pavel Pogrebnyak's having a party

PAVEL Pogrebnyak continued his emergence as one of the surprise packages of the season after adding a perfect hat-trick to his goal tally.

The striker’s heroics have Headless Chickens, whose ability to score was once in doubt, knocking on the door of the top four.

Theo Walcott’s return to form has also been welcome, while recent-signing Ashley Williams is having the last laugh after his unceremonious January exit from Judean Peoples’ Front.

The Chickens manager is now enjoying a similar fortunes to his sibling’s team FC Testiculadew.

Clint Dempsey chalked up two more goals, Rooney one and Szczesny made a penalty save, as FCT extended their lead at the top to 131 points.

The FCT and Chickens managers are fast becoming known as ‘The Mitchell Brothers of the Kenna’.

“If we catch any other managers giving it the Barry after a few in the Queen Vic, they’ll find themselves tied up in the Arches with a shooter in their Chevy and claret on their whistle,” said the Chickens and FCT gaffers in a joint statement.

Mario me!

Mario Balotelli has been urged to get married after being docked two weeks’ wages for visiting a strip joint two days before a match.

The manager of crisis-club Polonia Forsyth made the plea to improve the striker’s form on the pitch.

“Marry me, Mario,” she said before the Italian revealed he was wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with the words ‘Why always me?‘

Download a full breakdown of the scores from the ‘Details’ box on the right hand side of this page.

FC Testiculadew (second window)

FC Testiculadew made no transfers in the second window

Manager: Mr James Norris (ENG)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Everton

Szczesny, W	ARS	£2m
Kaboul, Y	TOT	£5.5m
O’Shea, J	SUN	£5.5m
Shorey, N	WBA	£0.5m
Clark, C	AVL	£0.5m
Mata, J	CHE	£31m
Dempsey, C	FUL	£5.5m
Fellaini, M	EVE	£4.5m
W-Phillips, S	QPR	£8m
Rooney, W	MUN	£28m
Dzeko, E	MCY	£5.5m
		£96.5m

Mouldy Balls!

Even with Rooney and Dzeko doing their best Shrek and Donkey impression up front, FC Testiculadew dominate the Kenna.

The club now enjoy an 82-point lead atop the league.

Attacking midfielder Clint Dempsey was the hip hop superstar a fortnight past.

‘Deuce’ the goal robot popped up again with another player-of-week hat-trick.

Two assists from Shaun Wright-Phillips, one from Marouane Fellaini and a John O’Shea clean sheet completed the rout.

“I’ve put off this kind of talk so far, but now I’ve got one hand on that tax-free prize money come May,” said the FCT boss, or ‘Monsieur Pickles Quarte-vingts’ as he’s known at the gaming tables of the principality.