Fat Ladies

Manager: Ted

Nationality: English

International honours: none

Barry, B – CIV – GK  £0.50 
Lovren, D – CRO – DEF  £7.00 
Sakho, M – FRA – DEF  £1.00 
Medel, G – CHI – DEF  £0.50 
Demichelis, M – ARG – DEF  £0.50 
Muller, T – GER – MID  £27.00 
Oxlade-Chamberlain, A – ENG – MID  £0.50 
Sneijder, W – NED – MID  £19.00 
Nani – POR – MID  £0.50 
Fred – BRA – STR  £35.00 
Villa, D – ESP – STR  £0.50 
   £92.00 
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Norfolk And Chance

Manager: Gary

Nationality: English

International honours: none

Cesar, J – BRA – GK  £17.00 
Hummels, M – GER – DEF  £6.00 
Vertonghen, J – BEL – DEF  £2.00 
Berezutski, V – RUS – DEF  £0.50 
Pereira, J – POR – DEF  £13.00 
Cazorla, S – ESP – MID  £6.00 
Matuidi, B – FRA – MID  £0.50 
Mascherano, J – ARG – MID  £8.00 
Henderson, J – ENG – MID  £0.50 
Mandzukic, M – CRO – STR  £14.00 
Forlan, D – URU – STR  £5.00 
   £72.50 
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Ipanema Catalans

Manager: Carles

Nationality: Catalan

International honours: none

Corona, J – MEX – GK  £0.50 
Corluka, V – CRO – DEF  £0.50 
Smalling, C – ENG – DEF  £0.50 
Abate, I – ITA – DEF  £4.00 
Boka, A – CIV – DEF  £0.50 
Oscar – BRA – MID  £32.00 
Alonso, X – ESP – MID  £17.00 
Pogba, P – FRA – MID  £18.00 
Gago, F – ARG – MID  £0.50 
Lukaku, R – BEL – STR  £10.00 
Klose, M – GER – STR  £0.50 
   £84.00 
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Botafogo Pirates FC

Manager: Abdi

Nationality: Somalia

International honours: none

 

Romero, S – ARG – GK  £3.00 
Luiz, D – BRA – DEF  £15.00 
Boateng, J – GER – DEF  £9.00 
Inkoom, S – GHA – DEF  £1.00 
Godin, D – URU – DEF  £11.00 
Kovacic, M – CRO – MID  £11.00 
Xavi – ESP – MID  £10.00 
Rodriguez, J – COL – MID  £17.00 
Wilshere, J – ENG – MID  £9.00 
Remy, L – FRA – STR  £7.00 
Soudani, E – ALG – STR  £6.50 
 £99.50 

 

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Sporting Lesbian

Manager: Ben M

Nationality: English

International honours: none

Lloris, H – FRA – GK  £0.50 
Bonucci, L – ITA – DEF  £4.00 
Alba, J – ESP – DEF  £20.00 
Fernandez, F – ARG – DEF  £4.00 
Zhirkov, Y – RUS – DEF  £0.50 
Bernard – BRA – MID  £0.50 
Schurrle, A – GER – MID  £8.00 
Gerrard, S – ENG – MID  £10.00 
Hazard, E – BEL – MID  £16.00 
Martinez, J – COL – STR  £2.00 
Sanchez, A – CHI – STR  £22.00 
   £87.50 
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Bauru XI

Manager: Alex

Nationality: English

International honours: 2012 Emmanuel Olisabede Euros winner

Hart, J – ENG – GK  £8.00 
Zabaleta, P – ARG – DEF  £13.00 
Chiellini, G – ITA – DEF  £3.00 
Lichtsteiner, S – SUI – DEF  £0.50 
Zokora, D – CIV – DEF  £0.50 
Willian – BRA – MID  £8.00 
Ozil, M – GER – MID  £11.00 
De Bruyne, K – BEL – MID  £6.00 
Herrera, H – MEX – MID  £0.50 
Costa, D – ESP – STR  £21.00 
van Persie, R – NED – STR  £15.00 
   £86.50 
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Copa Lallana

Manager: Stix (the chairman)

Nationality: English

International honours: 2010 Dr Khumalo World Cup winner

Casillas, I – ESP – GK  £20.00 
Ciman, L – BEL – DEF  £3.50 
Zuniga, J – COL – DEF  £0.50 
de Vrij, S – NED – DEF  £0.50 
Chedjou, A – CMR – DEF  £0.50 
Perisic, I – CRO – MID  £3.00 
Susic, T – BIH – MID  £7.00 
Valbuena, M – FRA – MID  £11.00 
Reus, M – GER – MID  £3.00 
Rooney, W – ENG – STR  £9.00 
Neymar – BRA – STR  £8.00 
   £66.00 
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Kappa Wearers FC

Manager: Dudley

Nationality: English

International honours: none

Ospina, D – COL – GK  £4.00 
Silva, T – BRA – DEF  £20.00 
Coentrao, F – POR – DEF  £10.00 
Cahill, G – ENG – DEF  £4.00 
Janmaat, D – NED – DEF  £0.50 
Pedro – ESP – MID  £12.00 
Bradley, M – USA – MID  £0.50 
Cabaye, Y – FRA – MID  £11.00 
Isla, M – CHI – MID  £0.50 
Bony, W – CIV – STR  £3.00 
Higuain, G – ARG – STR  £34.00 
   £99.50 
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Christopher Samba School

Manager: Jack

Nationality: English

International honours: 2006 Claudio Caniggia World Cup winner

Bravo, C – CHI – GK  £3.00 
Jagielka, P – ENG – DEF  £9.00 
Mertesacker, P – GER – DEF  £10.00 
Rodriguez, F – MEX – DEF  £11.00 
Pepe – POR – DEF  £3.00 
Paulinho – BRA – MID  £1.00 
De Rossi, D – ITA – MID  £10.00 
Rodriguez, C – URU – MID  £5.00 
Kagawa, S – JPN – MID  £2.00 
Torres, F – ESP – STR  £5.00 
Aguero, S – ARG – STR  £30.00 
 £89.00 
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Where’s Neymar? manager threatens legal action

Abacus
Out for the bean count: The Where’s Neymar? manager’s lost the player after it turned out his calculations were out by one (photo: An&)

ORGANISERS of the Emerson World Cup have received a ‘see you in court’ letter which could overshadow events on the pitch in Brazil.

The manager of Where’s Neymar? – who controversially lost the Brazilian player under a record-breaking £75m Titus Bramble forfeit at Thursday night’s auction – has sent a communication to Kenna HQ in a feeble attempt to claim points scored before his blunder.

The first player sold in the auction for the Kenna’s highest ever fee, Neymar went on to score two goals before the Where’s Neymar? manager messed up his calculations and overspent his budget.

The chairman snapped up the attacker for a £7.5m, a tenth of the initial cost.

In an email to Kenna HQ, dated yesterday and leaked today, the Where’s Neymar? manager said: “You should expect a legal challenge with regards to the points gained by Neymar last night, as when they were scored he was, unquestionably, a Where’s Neymar? player.

“Furthermore, we believe it is unprecedented in the Kenna’s illustrious history, that a manger is awarded points already scored before the player is a actually signed, further strengthening the Where’s Neymar? claim to all points incurred by the player in question.”

Kenna HQ lawyers have dismissed the claim as ‘sour grapes’ and pointed to the manager’s poor addition and mathematical skills.

The chairman said: “Where’s Neymar?? His team should be called Where’s Your Abacus?

“The manager is simply trying to deflect attention away from the fact he auctioned poorly and needs a calculator.

“He’s always claimed he is a Welshman, yet he turns up three hours late wearing a Belgium shirt and makes a very convincing case of his inability to manage a football team, numbers or a wardrobe.”

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